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The two universal truths of feeling better: buying and booze; my problem with going out; miscellaneous

2004-05-25 - 10:06 p.m.

There are two universal truths when it comes to putting the brakes on feeling down:

#1 - Get drunk.

#2 - Buy something expensive--the more expensive, the better.

I've done both of these today and I'm feeling damn fine at the moment. Here's the skinny in reverse order:

#2 Universal Truth

Ma and I had decided today would be the day when all of our planning finally paid off.

We spent the first few hours gathering our strength, with her making a pitcher of iced tea as we watched The West Wing on Bravo. I was my usual semi-comatose charming self, handing out smiles like fivers at a strip club. The tea cleared my head and it all made sense again.

Before the magic voyage began, though, I gave a looksee at my business e-mail. The apartment building manager had gotten the phat cheque for my security deposit and parking, ass over elbows to get out my lease and phone agreement, using an exclamation in a No Man's Land of business transactions. The whole deal is great, except the parking fee feels like sex with a two day old beard--wherever that might be.

Cheque for apartment = 3 1/2 out of 5 smiley faces.

We decided to eat our usual Chicken Flautas Rancheras over at El Torito, sipping on the usual tropical iced teas. It was the sortof brunch that always put you in a perky mood, with good conversation and a stomach of mexican food pumping up brain wattage.

After that was the grand fiesta of the bank accounts: Best Buy. Our goal was to get me a reliable laptop, brandishing enough Reward points to choke a small mammal. This wasn't a big expensive purchase for shits and giggles, though, since I'd need to have this thing for doing Powerpoint presentations at Madison, carting data from point A to point B, and taking competent notes that could keep up with a lecturer. Ma totally agreed on the logic behind it; Gran did too; between the three of us, we hammered out enough cash for the beast. The most satisfying thing was seeing the clerk ring up those Reward points, with the balance cannibalizing itself in finger-niblet increments. Made us love my new Toshiba child all the more.

Best Buy card and cheque for laptop = 5 out of 5 smiley faces.

It was during the purchase, though, that I found out laptops didn't come factory-equipped with carrying cases. Makes sense in a capitalist way. Ma and I theorized this was a perfect opportunity to use my newest credit-building goblin: the platinum card. How the fuck my unemployed ass qualified for a platinum card at a final APR of 5% is anyone's guess, but hell: it became useful today. Anyway, we headed back up to the house so I could get the card, activate it, then head back down to Best Buy to buy a case and a laptop mouse. Some people like touchpad mouse cursors, after all, but I'd rather snort paint thinner than use that little square to navigate.

Credit card for laptop accessories = 4 out of 5 smiley faces.

I felt a little odd about getting all of this stuff in one fell swoop, but I look at it all as professional expenses--and hell, I still have the expense of fielding two more months of rent in September and October before I get my first paycheck from Madison.

That'll be a pretty big set of smiley faces right there when it comes.


#1 Universal Truth

Right around after the last purchases, Ma and I decided that making tacos would kick ass. We went over to Whole Foods, picked up 2 lbs. of extra-lean meatsies, some Arrogant Bastard ale and assorted miscellaneous.

Ma worked her magic on the stove while I booted the laptop and kicked through the installation jazz; same old song, different machine. I was somewhere around cursing about no Microsoft Office stuff being included when the gong went off. The gong had a low baritone quality to it, the kind you'd hear in an Ashram or Buddhist temple, likely flanked by warbling monks and cheesy Kung Fu goodness. It had the immediate effect of making the taco meat smell divine.

Meanwhile, though, I'd been sipping on half an Arrogant Bastard, letting the day wash out in a dusk cavalcade of low blues and partly overcast skies. The G4 tv channel had their comprehensives on the 2004 E3 show, giving me that little temptation on the tip of my tongue that was tricking for some new games to play. I remembered the two months of rent I needed to collect, of course, but a guy could dream--and the ale helped make it a sweet one.

Alcohol = 4 out of 5 smiley faces.

Roundabouts the now, I'd have to say that I feel accomplished. I have all the hardware I'll need for grad school...and I finally have an apartment to situate myself in. The research ideas will come soon enough, I figure.

It feels like I'm working toward professionalism again, toward making myself productive. Best way to describe it would be giving a new coat of paint to your car..and slowly, I'm tinkering around under the hood to make sure it doesn't break down along some stretch of ass in Nowhere, Arizona. College was well and good and fine, but I burned myself out that last year--and I'm not going to let that happen again. It took me 6 months and 20 pounds/1.4 stone just to recover last time. Not a life re-run I care to catch.

* * *

T's phone is not accepting any incoming calls. I'm guessing she took it out back somewhere to get it shot. I'm hoping she's reachable eventually, or that she gets in touch with me soon--mostly since the house'll be torn apart by contractors in 2 months time, and we need a month or so just for ticket reservations. Still, even waiting 2 weeks, it isn't much of a cost.

Yeah, I know, the 2 months of rent, but I had/have a birthday around now, so I consider it a present--and Ma understands the why of it. And yeah, I was being deliberately vague about when [smiles].

* * *

Lastly, I haven't done a photography shoot in awhile. Partly I'm at a loss for places to go at night in Los Angeles, but the spirit has simmered some. I've had this good week or two of feeling really lazy, y'see, punctuated by bursts of activity like finding an apartment, or getting that professional paint-coat I mentioned up top.

Haven't written much, either. I'm thinking maybe hanging around the coffee shop down in the local Plaza might help.

Mostly I've been looking to do something new, to go out and have fun. Every time I think of somewhere to go, though, the benefits just don't outweigh the negatives. Sure I want to be around other people besides my family, but paying cover charges and going alone to some places I've never been makes it really hard.

It's the 'going alone' part that's the deal breaker for me. I feel incredibly uncomfortable in unfamiliar spaces without a safety net, and that safety net is having people around that I know. That's the reason why I've been in LA for two years now and haven't gotten to know any non-diaryland related friends.

I'm not a home-body by design, y'see, and not totally introverted. I picked up this social anxiety thing in the past few years..or maybe it just became more apparent when I didn't have a readily accessible social circle. And really, in the past, my social circles came to me. It was that way with Adi and his introducing me to the super-intelligentsia crowd in high school, same with the goths in high school...hell, the same with Omega Kate introducing me to our geek cliche in college.

S'pose I never learned how to approach strangers..or that it was never really necessary. Get me past that stage, though, and I'm fine. D-land chat has been a crutch and a boon like that, y'see: I've met many wonderful people and a few life-long friends through it, but I still crave being able to sit with a group of people in the physical world, and bullshit, and order expensive gourmet beverages, and do silly human shit.

But I've never been one for useless bitching--since I do like to have a point to it, heh. I'm working my way up to finding and going to a jazz club. I figure I'll try with a more mainstream deal first...then maybe work my way to trying that Goth club over in Long Beach near the Art Theatre where they show Rocky Horror. I'm half-tempted to throw myself into the fire and try West Hollywood, but dear fuck: just DRIVING through that place on a saturday (under "Saturday") was enough to bugger my brain.

* * *

And a last thing, a short note: I want to square away the apartment and Memorial Day weekend with GE and J before going up to Santa Cruz. Don't want loose ends to catch on me, after all.

Wouldn't get many smiley faces that way at all, and I'm on a good roll as is.

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