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Last night in Los Angeles

2004-08-13 - 11:40 p.m.

So. Here we are. The final full day of being in LA. I thought it'd be much more somber, but as it turns out it was wonderful!

* * *

I should back up slightly, though. As I mentioned in my last post, I'd found out that I was already a month into registration for classes period--due to misreading '7-12-04' as being August instead of July a few months ago. Never done that before, actually, but it's taught me to now always write dates down.

So what did I do? I looked for classes, ear-marked the good-looking ones, e-mailed my advisor and the other grad student in the lab about them, and now I'm in the process of waiting to be able to add the last few. Dr. Crisco didn't seem perturbed or annoyed at all by my asking in mid-August. On the contrary, he was 'sorry' that some of the classes I wanted had closed out before I could register for them. I'd also mentioned I'd been on a trip (which was true),

While it seems like this was a case of 'no foul, no harm,' I admit it: I fucked up; first time it'd ever happened for registration. This provides a very valuable lesson: write down important dates on some section of something that you can read. I'm going to go for an online calendar, since it can't be lost but can be printed.

And that is thankfully almost that as far as classes go.

Over the last few busy weeks I've also been packing stuff left, right, sideways, and into large boxes. As we speak almost all of my clothes are sealed away in plastic space-saver bags, like freeze-dried food awaiting space.

I've poured over the better part of a decade's worth of class notes as well, chucking 80% of them because 1) I'll likely never read them; 2) It feels good to throw away the past.

As it stands I need to sift through my CD collection, pick out what I want on the drive, and shove the rest into another box to be haphazardly loaded in my car. There's also the matter of getting onto my older machine, hooking up the external harddrive we bought today, moving over some of my better MP3's, then burning those to CD. Besides never needing a Zip Disk or anything, that's about the only reason we bought the external.

Besides that, I plan on finishing this second book in the second set of Sandman graphic novels. It's immensely satisfying, gives my imagination some fuel, and it's a nice get-away from all of the packing.

* * *

Now, back to yesterday and today. Mom and I have been buying alot of stuff to get me prepared for my own space. We've really pulled out all the stops: an indoor grill, new printer, external hard-drive, re-doing scads of whatnot for the car, buying a lovely 16 piece dinnerware set and other assorted kitchen-y things, and many other items I could detail in smiles, observations and occasional jokes. That's our language, her and I. Time doesn't give me any luxury at the moment, though I'll repeat: it was a great last day, topping it off with our usual impeccable sushi over at Fusion.

I'm nearly done packing, I think. This monitor will likely be the most difficult thing to take care of. Well, and I also have to transfer some stuff from the dinosaur computer to the external hard-drive, then take out the dinosaur's hard-drive.

So two annoying, but do-able things.

My ideal departure time is about 7pm or so, just a little before dawn. I figure I'll sleep sometime at 4am. That should put me about 150-250 miles past Las Vegas, maybe more.

While I won't be updating for another 4 days at least, I will be tik-tacking stuff in my laptop as it comes to mind, then post it here when I'm in Madison.

In Madison. It's increasingly become more concrete to me. I've planned out all the necessary arrangements, sent the right e-mails, and I should be up and running when I get there.

* * *

I'm not afraid anymore. Where once I was drained, now I am full again.

Just about the only thing that bothers me is if my Immunology class will be boring as shit. That and driving 2,000 miles to Mad Town seems like a bitch.

But I'm not worried about Graduate School. A book given to me a few years ago and an anonymous guestbook writer say I should be, and try to instill White Man fear--but it just doesn't square with my interpretation.

I'll give you a run-down. Graduate School consists of taking between 8-12 units. That translates to 1-2 "real" classes a semester, plus a seminar class for discussing research, and some actual research credit hours for doing--well, research. Obviously the research part can take up a shitload more time than you're given credit for.

Now, while all that might edge some near or over the 45-50 hour mark per week, I'm pretty fucking doubtful it'll get to 60+ hours or 70+ hours. And even if it does, y'know what? I've been there in the trenches and clawed my way to enlightenment.

Y'see, I did not have an easy college experience. My best friend from college (who is still in my mind often), Adam, could tell you how hardcore I was. Then again, so can my archives. Then again, so can damn near anyone who knows me.

If my punk ass could put in 70+ hours of studying for 4 "real" classes, be a student senator one year, a researcher another year, and other college stuff mixed in all the time, I'm just a little skeptical that all of the sudden I'll be drowning in a sea of wolves because of research and two courses.

To quote my friend Nick, "Nigger, please".

I mean honestly. If my punk ass could lead a rag-tag group of 15-20 undergraduates and co-supervise 4-5 experiments simultaneously, along with almost all the administrative stuff, along with always listening to and consulting an officious, uber-arrogant jackass overseer like Dr. Zivago, I think I can handle just focussing on my own research and publishing an article or two a year.

In short: I am worthy, capable, and ready. And if you doubt me, you haven't read this journal hard enough. So please, send positive juice if you mean well, but leave the criticism behind. I do more than a satisfactory job on that count.

But it's a funny thing, almost, the fact that I got to work in one of the best primate labs in the world. It's funny because it all came from merit, and I built that foundation over a long period of time. I'll tell the story to you one of these days.

For now I need to sleep.

But in closing, I wish each and every one of you well, and I think about you at least from time to time. You might think that months or years erode such a thing, but if you were or are dear to me, you still are--and you help make me strong, especially in times of transition like this.

Thank you.

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