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Candle starting to burn at both ends

2004-10-06 - 9:40 a.m.

It closes in on all sides.

Every day I wake up at some obscure hour of the morning--and get woken up again by workmen filling sandbags just outside my apartment at 8:30am.

I had a double session of the emotions class this week. Spent a day on the first paper due monday...and somehow had thought the second paper was due next week. I was horrified when I learned it was due tuesday. All throughout the session I could barely think straight, wondering exactly what would happen. Afterward, when everyone had left, I told the prof about it. He said not to worry about it and email it to him. I spent the next 5-6 hours alternatively getting bursts of ideas and then stuck on them. Finally I wrote an actual thought piece, sprinkling "I" and generalities like baco-bits on soup. I can send that in to him today. I think he doesn't mind because he doesn't grade the papers--that and he has two full stacks from the two days.

Still, I have never forgotten a paper due date. It must have been the homework assignment in stats due the same day. It ended up being 27 pages one-sided.

Trying to find a solid block of recovery time is very difficult. The sleep deprivation, working back to back hours and lack of any socializing is starting to get to me. I don't like that low-laying nervous feeling in the back of my head. I haven't had a day off in over a month. All I do is hygiene, eating out near campus, and study--and somehow it seems like I'm barely keeping up.

But I'm forcefully trying to stay clear-headed and energetic. I can't give in to whatever waiting vortex swirls around in the unmentionables of my head. It's not that the work is beyond me..it just takes so much time, all of my time. Thinking about some of you and T does help.

So it's morning again and oddly displaced mexicans are shovelling sandbags. The displaced achy feeling in my back tells me I'm hungry. I have two chapters of statistics, stats lab and a review session for the midterm today.

All I want is some time without all of it. I want some peace.

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