I'll first mention what isn't a part of it.

I do have alot of work, true, but it's manageable and not overwhelming. I have a midterm on thursday, for instance, but I've studied a great deal for it and I know the material very well. There's a 15 page paper due for the emotions class in three weeks, but I've been able to finagle it so that I'll be doing it on my first year research project. So that might be a decent chunk of work, but I'm killing two birds with one stone. Hell, part of that first year project stems from Dr. Zivago's work, so I have a small advantage there.

What is increasingly bothering me is that I feel like I have nothing to come home to. Sometimes I have time to get online and talk to friends..sometimes just time to unwind a little before studying again...but there's no emotional tie anywhere in this city. I have no friends here, no pets..and the loneliness is hard sometimes.

But even beyond that I feel like my life has a hollowness to it. I suppose I mostly just studied in college..but even then I was never lacking for friends or stuff to do in my down time.

I just wish I weren't such an..island here, or that there was something else besides the work. I like the work, but it's my entire life right now except for snippets of this or that.

T once told me that someday we might get a place together. Sometimes I imagine that could eventually happen and interesting merriment could ensue. Then there's the idea of getting a cat. Or finding friends. Or feeling something besides varying degrees of survival and relief.

I miss T alot. Haven't talked to her in two weeks. I wish I knew which of these numbers was the one she said she was occasionally at. Then again I accidentally threw out some scratch paper and...

I'm rambling. I just want something meaningful in the physical world that can distract me, or help me relax. Coffee shops are the closest approximation to that nowadays.

And so I go off to Dunn Brothers for their discount chai tea latte tuesdays, to study a midterm I've studied a great deal and get lost in work until I slip into sleep.

Sleep is such a comfort nowadays. It's like walking past a downy meadow with fresh rain distilled upon the tall green grasses, and I can tuck myself away underneath a tree and dream a spell.

I'd felt bouncy and optimistic the first month. I guess my routine needs some change. I need some change, but for now I'm doing ok.

Right, off to study statistics..

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