Horrified panic and the spiraling staircase-turned-slide, pit-engulfing gorge of feasting shadows, winds laced with shards of glass, hard grey stone everywhere.

I'd spent so very long on the project, and I'd accidentally left out a correction I did. Just so happens that botched part of my whole theory.

On top of this was the tick-tock telling of the clock, whispering to me of the ways it died: slow and drawn, almost painful, but timelessly fast when you couldn't hear it. The end of the semester, the end of the semester..and my plan to start studying early for the final was crushed.

I worked hard into the night to figure a way around the error. I made some progress I thought, realized it was crap, made some more progress, stayed with that.

-Today-

Spoke with the TA after recitation. She'd commented before that I'd obviously put a hell of alot of time into my project. I'd gone up to ask her for advice. I just couldn't figure out how to get at this problem, to explain how one factor influence another factor and how those two influenced yet another factor...all simultaneously. The graphs of the data just weren't helping much.

One of the first things I asked was how much I'd get taken off if I just left in the first route I'd taken to skewering the problem. She said 1 or 2 points and emphasized repeatedly that it was the logic, not the numbers that mattered. She has this was of saying something powerfully, yet not saying it at all. I appreciated her compassion and help, considering I'd sent two dozens e-mails to her about my project (and no, I'm not exaggerating).

So instead of panic at wasting another day or so and losing time for Final studying, I wrapped things up. I'll print the stuff out tomorrow and hand it in. I simplified alot of it. Mostly I did alot of unnecessary but interesting tests that got at questions I wasn't asking in the introduction.

I also completed the NSF application. I'd made double sure the transcripts had been sent out. All that had been left was to go through a 5th revision, reading every word choice and punctuation mark carefully. I made a few corrections for each of the four essays, looking over my 'honors and awards' section for shit "relevant to my course of study". I fudged a bit by leaving in scholarships that have nothing to do with my major but are obscure and aren't findable via the web. I sent the thing in and felt..well..nervous at first, but then better.

Most of tonight was at Dunn Bros. I got to talk to Cathleen more than usual, once when I got there and before closing. I'd forgotten to ask about when she works. She smiled and said it was different every week--so I guess I'll have to ask every week. Unfortunately she's not around for winter break. Then again, I probably won't be much either.

So it seems like we at least have a starting friendship going. Good to know I sorta kinda have one in Insanity, Wisconsin. If I had more time and less sense about me, I'd just ask her out. Not a comment on her by any means--she's the vivaciously quirky type that I like--but it's my track record. Any of you who've read my journal for long enough know exactly how well relationships and I work out. For those new to the journal, my dating situations make crash-landed jet planes look quaint by comparison.

I'll talk more about Cathleen later.

For now I need to rest.

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