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It could be...

2005-01-31 - 2:34 p.m.

I'm pissed off today for no reason in particular. I can point to a few things that need to be neutralized and rectified, but for the most part it's one of those moods.

Can't put your finger on it, can't say why it continues, but you know the bastard is there.

It could be the thought of having to hear more about regression from a sub-par professor tomorrow.

It could be taking out my sickle and shovel to remedy some unnecessary social obligations. I do not look fondly on leeches; I rather would dismember than merely burn them off. The panoply of liars and whores stretches from the distant to semi-near past, wraith memories and the threat of inaction. Too long has my attention been diverted by poetic showboating. I fuck it until it dies starting now. No, this is not about you. They've gone elsewhere.

It could be thinking about this or that project due in April, or that paper due in May, those things which I might wanna get started on now.

It could be reading more and more about the literature on my topic and finding little bits and pieces that change the equation. Every hypothetical experiment is an ongoing work of art, a canvas continuously sprayed with turpentine and blood. I've made enough changes to my initial experiments that it's hard to remember what questions are or are not being addressed. Right now I'm partly black-boxing it until I read stats, until I finish this meeting, until...

These are all crazy things, really. At worst I'll be in a situation like last semester. I'm just like America at the moment: drifting along until a clear and present danger rears its head, then back up to full-steam; hell to pay for anything that gets in my way. Not so nice in the international arena, but it works well enough for an army of 1.

* * *

I have about 13 or so pages of stats left. The hypothermia papers have been read and analyzed, so by the end of today I'll have no more reading to do for this week. That means that I can either get started very early on any stat homework passed out on tues or thurs...or perhaps spend more time researching my general experiment paradigm. I've been pretty thorough, but going through again and again always helps you to see if someone has done something similar before.

Which is good in a way. Makes what you're doing not such a huge leap of faith. Leaps of faith cost money in this business.

Sara should be coming around in another 40 minutes. We'll figure out which groups of juvenile monkeys I might be able to use for my upcoming pilots.

That'll be good and productive.

{10 minutes later} And even in this state of mind, I fall right into place with the proper social protocol when talking to one of the animal techs, Kyle. Everything except the conversation gets pushed outta mind. I don't know if my brain is just really adaptive or I'm a sociopath, but that was a nice little reprieve from being pissed off.

Now only my jaw hurts. I want spiced chai. Meh. Waiting.

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