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How it all began (for this journal); normal life stuff

2005-04-26 - 12:19 a.m.

Wow. I've written 1,000 times in this thing. 4 years through this binary savannah.

I don't think I ever told you how this all began.

I was a junior at my Alma Mater, living in North and getting on with the psychology thing. One of my neighbors was Dean. Of all the human-beings I've met from the darkest pits to the celestial choir, he has to be one of my favorite people. His heart was writing, and often all we ever talked about were stories. Of course there were the 3 hour couch lounge conversations about naming a cat "here", extremely obscure Ontario bands, and random shit spoken backwards from another universe. (I doubt anyone will bother, but I spent part of my winter break with him in 2001. Decent place, nearish-Princetown).

I mention that back story because Dean wanted a voice for his bizarre writing, and found it here as Pinknoise. I came over one day, knocked on his tin-foil covered door (which he did to piss people off), and came in. That was the first time I saw that pastel red generic d-land template you all might've seen. Flecks of white text littered the page in capitals and bitten sentences, post-modern without the posh.

Something about the process appealed to me.

Here was a way I could talk about myself without the usual bullshit. I could experiment, I could vent. But I'll be honest with you: I wanted to see if people would actually read what I wrote. That was the primary reason.

It wasn't until my stint over at a psych. department in Boston that I started this thing up. I'd toyed with the idea for awhile, but nothing compelled me. Suddenly, though, I was in a strange city with no friends or social contacts to speak of. I had no 'net connection in the first floor house space I rented. For whatever reason, it seemed like a good time to start.

Since then, on one hand, life has been predictable. I graduated college, tried to find work/myself/other talents for a few years, 'worked' at some lab in LA, then came here for graduate school.

On the other hand, I've run across scores of people these past 4 years. Mothers, cops, the dying, the underground sheik finding truth in their veins, preppy bastards smart enough to be worth my patience, and in general alot of fascinating, decent human-beings. Part of all that came from starting up this thing. Hell, my life would have been very different if I didn't have this place.

So for my 1,000 entry I thought I'd say: Thanks Daath. Without you my life would have been a hell of alot more boring. And I'd have had less sex, alcohol, photographs, debauchery, death threats, love, annoyance, and perspective. I figure what the fuck: I'll stick around for awhile longer.

And here's to you. There wouldn't be much point to this place without the people.

* * *

Right, back to life as scheduled.

Good things have been happening for awhile now. Sure I've worried alot of getting the new experiment down pat, classes, fellowships, blah blah blah.

What sorts of good things? Well...

*I found out I got an honorable mention for the Fjord Foundation. I wasn't expecting it. It's good to know I'm competitive for national funding.

*The experiment has smoothed out well. I'd just been too nervous or hadn't had enough experience before hand. Today, though, the whole test day went along smoothly. I didn't worry, I didn't brood over anything, and everything came around right. G. also thought things went really well.

*I've been all the class stuff done that I need to get done. Stats project, finished, all 28 or so pages of it. Don't go nuts on me, though--19 pages of it is statistical output or graphs. Tomorrow I've got my 1st year committee meeting, which I'm not worried about. After reading 200 some odd articles about inflammation proteins and two review papers on the subject, I'm confident I can be competent in short sound bytes.

Plus I get to wear a sports coat and look quite queer (yes, odd) in a sea of people tomorrow.

*I've been doing alright lately. Considering the stress level, I'd say that's a good sign. Only free time I've made for myself was to write this out, but I can make it to the end of the semester well.

*I finished that review paper for the Brain Damage class. I went just an eensy tiny big fucking lot over the original limit. The prof. doesn't mind, though..at least at 3,500 words. I think this thing weighs at 4,000 words now. I shall see soon, for it is not due until May 5th.

Even better about it, I sent a copy to Dr. C and mention how the prof. might be interested in publishing it. My advisor (i.e. Dr. C) gave it a quick read-over and thought, yeah, with some modifications and additions it could be published. That would be hot. I'm less concerned with where I can publish it, and more with the fact that it's good enough for that.

*Even in the face of adversity and people telling me I'm nuts, I work too hard, etc., I'm unphased. I'm unphased and determined in an almost scary way. I've never wanted anything more than this, to be able to answer these questions, go through the process, and master the hells to make some wonkily bad-ass future. I figure if I can spend all my time thinking about or working on stuff related to my area of interest, well I've either found one of my passions or I'm breath-takingly delusional to an institutionalized degree.

Either way, onward labcoat soldiers. Nothing and noone will stay me from my course.

*I've been busy. This is obvious. However I do miss talking to all of you. If I had the time, I would. If I weren't shaving slivers of sleep with a rusty razor, I would.

This summer will be my catching up time, my work does not always equal life time.

So bear with me please. I haven't forgotten, I'm just trying to wrap up another semester to my satisfaction.

* * *

This is where I say something memorable.

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