Starting off "This Week", Disneyland spontaneously exploded in what firefighting officials have called the "largest act of disgruntled arson in recent history". Pluto the Dog was found drinking a Colt 45 outside of the theme park, officials say, wetting himself and crying out in wolf-like howls to the local interstate.

Jews from the Gaza Strip are still wandering this week, trying to beat their feet and the heat. Sources say God decided to give most of the wanderers orange shirts. God could only comment that, "Hey, they got bupkis last time. I figure..vhy not?"

Having channeled the spirit of the late Hunter S. Thompson, one iraqi commando this week commented, "War, all around us. Big darkness come soon. We were speeding by an outer suburb of Baghdad, but had to stop, as a manta ray swooped down and killed 10 nearby pedestrians. Shit, man, they didn't understand: this is bat country!"

Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein had fun with attorneys this week, exclaiming in a Dick Vitali voice, "You the man!"

Humans yet again paid entirely too much god-damned attention to bears this week when slurp-snort, a small panda cub, was found in a tree in remote western Beijing. Officials immediately paid too much attention to it, AP reports, causing the panda to sit for prolonged periods of time in the tree.

In recent weeks, Presidente Jorge W. Arbusto laid out his plan for medicare reform.

At the very same medicare reform meeting, Arbusto became the butt of the evening once again...

And finally, when describing how he has fucked the world up the ass, Jorge Arbusto roughly indicated to the Associated Press just how big his...ahem...

And that's it for This Week in 'News'!

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