There was pain and clicking noises in my lower left jaw. I figured it might be a wisdom tooth.

Mom was low on cash from upper middle class clients that didn't bother to show up for booked appointments. We ended up going to a not so good section of time, like La Cienega, where I found myself in an oddly museum-like dentist's wing, with books and artifacts from by-gone years.

At the time the guy (I hesitate to use 'dentist') said that my wisdom tooth was too small to worry about.

Flash forward 6 months.

After 7 injections of novocaine, splitting a double impacted, nearly fully grown wisdom tooth in half, and 4 hours in a dentist's chair, the tooth was out. My mother didn't have the money for an accredited dentist.

The lower left side of my mouth was a crater. Blood seeped from it for hours afterward. I couldn't eat solid food for 2 weeks because of the pain and swelling. But eventually, everything calmed down...until several years later.

When I came home from college, I got a dental cleaning and check-up. I had two more wisdom teeth that needed out. There was also something odd about my lower left molar. It'd developed a deep hole right by it. For those of you in the know, it measured an 11 on the back.

I went to an oral surgeon to get the wisdom teeth out and to put a bone graft around the loose molar. I'd been under the impression that things went fine.

Flash forward to 6 months ago.

I'd gotten a cleaning at a new place here in Madison. They checked my gums to see if all was well. And sure enough, for that lower left molar, the same sized hole was there. The past surgery was a complete failure. So I made an appointment to spend my insurance company's money to get a new bone graft.

That was today. I found out a few things:

*The situation is worse than I thought. The doctor was able to expose the top of one of my dental nerves while deeply retracting the gums. This is a bad sign, I learned.

*I had to make a choice right then: get the tooth pulled, have a bone graft put in, and eventually get an implant...or try to graft around the tooth, where there's a 50/50 chance it won't hold. I chose to go with optimism, and I'm sticking to that outlook. Dr. A said he would've done the same thing.

*While we were discussing the latter, Dr. A said that if need be, I wouldn't need to pay for the tooth extraction or another bone graft. I'd still need to cover the implant and crown. I thought that was generous of the guy. Either he remembers how hard being a student is financially, or he enjoyed my biomedical babbling. Maybe both.

*According to the periodontist, I have a high threshold for physical pain. I asked why. It made sense: I had a nerve exposed, and I only felt stirrings of pain kinda. Even now it's just a dull ache instead of sharp and stabbing.

The short of it:

I go back in a week to see how things are. In the meantime, I can't use straws, I have to eat soft foods on the right side, have hot liquids, or brush anywhere near the area (but instead use industrial strength anti-bacterial stuff).

Eating sucks. I have to take much smaller bites or it slops over into the middle. Well I guess I wanted to lose 10 more pounds anyway, although a couple of people have commented that I look 'really thin.' I want a completely flat stomach and less ass, though, so reduced food intake it is.

I heard back from Hill. I don't know why she didn't reply to my asking if she was ok. So the first thing in 5 days from her was: "what if you aren't good enough [to date me]?"

And around the same loop we go again: 'we can't date, but just in case we could, prove to me that I'd could deign to allow you to date me.' Not an exact quote. That was something like "what if you're not good enough for me?" Sometimes I wonder if our friendship is more painful than it is beneficial. I've thought a few times of ending it. I don't like how things are developing, especially her attitude.

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