One can in theory go without sleep, some say without worrying about normal human temperature extremes. I lack the patience and background to ever remotely or partially attempt either.

Today, however, I will need to remember and use some of those lessons.

* * *

I may have slept tonight, but I don't recall. And my tiredness suggests no.

I do know I have been up since 2:59am. I got a call. It was the person I specifically asked not to call me. I texted back with a gentle but firm message: unless it is an emergency, only call me during normal hours. She could check my journal about the reason why.

It may well have been that she did not receive my message. I accepted this. I meditated, took a warm shower, and slinked into bed.

I was on the verge of falling asleep when I heard my 'text' sound go off. She needed to contact me "asap". I texted back if this was an emergency. She said no. The specifics are beside the point.

On the one morning I needed to sleep, after I had already told her not to call or text and pointed to the location of an explicit reason why (my diary/journal), she either did not listen or did not pay attention to what I had said.

I do not care about the specifics. Unless it is life or death--emotional or physical or spiritual--I had an overwhelming and explicitly stated need to get sleep today.

I lack any emotional reaction to this. Mine is entirely an intellectual anger. I am either reserving an emotional reaction for when I have the luxury of spending energy on a state like that, or I am too tired to care.

I would venture both.

* * *

I have a very long day ahead of me.

If I seem cold, not able to get something, or fuzzy, this is the reason why.

* * *

Do not poke me about this. Do not repeatedly ask after this. Do not OCD over this. You fucked up. You did not pay attention to what I said, and acted in a manner that is not friend-like. I was tempted to say nothing about this until this afternoon as a lesson. However that seemed cruel. Justified, no doubt, but cruel.

I forgive you. I am still angry at you and this in no way excuses your behavior, but I forgive you.

* * *

My alarm went off. Time to begin the day.

Western culture and the white man have not entirely killed my faith. Perhaps it's an intellectual coping mechanism, but perhaps there is some reason to this, or something to be gained from it. There's no sense in poisoning the rest of the day. Let it poison itself if that's the way of it. But I've been through this before, and things will go fine.

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