The coroner thinks it was a stroke due to a cyst. It had been developing for awhile but it'd come and gone. The doctors had never seen anything like it.

I'm in shock. It seems inconceivable. He'd been in good health. And he was so incredibly good for my mom. She'd been through so many useless boyfriends, and finally she found someone who was a real companion with her. And he was the closest thing I ever had to a real father. Just tonight mom told me that after I left, he confessed to her that he felt closer to me than his son Mike. That he wished I could have been his son. That makes me cry my eyes out still.

I talked with mom for several hours to help distract her. She was bawling hard at first, but by the end she felt better. We talked a lot about Scott at first, then about me and finally about when I was born. I learned I'd been born with my cord wrapped around my neck 3 times (instead of just twice), among other peculiarities that have a great deal of meaning in several cultures.

This was the first opportunity I got to tell her about the Ford fellowship. And the summer fellowship I just learned about getting today. That made her happier. She'd said that Scott and her had been incredibly proud and happy for everything I'd been able to do. I could swear I hear him.

* * *

I cried some earlier in the foyer of my lab, because it was so cold outside. I'd come back from the Cinco de Mayo party. In retrospect I'm glad Erin was drunk and we hugged.

* * *

I'm leaving my phone on in case Mom needs to call.

Please don't call my phone until after 11am in the next several weeks. Also, please don't talk about or mention this to non-friends. I'd rather no one at Madison (except Hill) know.

I genuinely appreciate it, thank you.

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