I am on a new path of some old forest, some space I know too well. Found in a Lost, Lost trying to find the Found. I think this road might just take me where I want to go, and somehow that is to the core of this strange place of love and circles and heartache.

It all remains to be seen, but I am no longer walking in my own fossilized footsteps.

Most of this is a transcript with Mari, the voice of 2nd opinion in helping guide me along this odd-cobbled creature of normal dating. Measure once, cut (and paste) twice, hm?

...

I started getting ready at around 4:30pm. I'd decided to do the simple stuff first: washing up, shaving carefully so that the redness wouldn't be apparent later on. It was steadily snowing outside, an icy soft blast that quickly made windows freeze or grow white with snow.

There in the cold I scrapped away at my car. I'd found out earlier that the place that does professional cleaning of interiors was closed due to the weather. I had to be quick about things. I had very little time, so I was quick about it. Over the hood of the car, the windows. Everything. I accidentally nicked my pinky finger, but it was very small. The outside of the car looked pretty decent given the weather and all. I next set out to pick out the interior as best I could. Mostly it was small leaves, bits and pieces. In the rush I forgot to wipe the dashboard. That thing hadn't seen a washcloth since it became reborn as my car; 3 years without a bath, a bestiary of dust and wired colonies to emphasize it. It wouldn't be until she was in the car later that I realized this, but fortunately it was dark already so she may not have noticed.

My clothing prep time was minimal. The black jeans were too wrinkled, so the slacks would do the deed. I'd wanted to do something besides earth tones or variations of black and white, but the best short sleeve that showed off my upper chest was a simple grey hanes T. The newer boots were a must, of course.

Car preped, a Daath properly washed and fragranced with Old Spice and leather, I set out. She'd given me directions there and I'd decided to get there early, so that the car could run and it'd be kinda warm when I let her in the car.

Now to get to her place, I had to take a one way street I'd never been down, and of course I ended up going the wrong way. I figured that I'd just turn into a driveway down at the end of a cul-de-sac, at the bottom of what seemed like a normal hilly decline for the street. So I drove down, turned, and just thought I'd drive back up. The car wouldn't budge upward. In all my haste I'd forgotten about the ice that was under the snow, and I also hadn't noticed the cars in the driveways that hadn't been used for awhile.

It was 7:40. I was supposed to be meeting her at 8:00.

I didn't panic, but I was anxious. Would I be able to get myself out of this bind in time? Was there anything I could do?

I figured I'd just gotten stuck in one patch, so I reversed it back farther down, all the way down the 20 or so feet of the now all too steep decline. I threw the car into 2nd or 3rd gear and pushed down. Down a little farther. I could hear the ice grind and see the water vapor smoking off of what must have been very pissed off tires. Somehow I got the car up to one of the driveways, moved up into it, but couldn't actually get up it. I backed into hard-packed snow, pushed up again, then reversed and held firm on the brake. I'd gotten 5 feet up. It was 7:48. I was determined not to have to call her and say, "hey Emily, um, you know that cul-de-sac down X street? Yeah, I got stuck and I need to call in a tow." Not terribly romantic.

I'd gotten myself into the mess and I'd get myself out. So I turned the steering wheel this way suddenly, then that way, all the while thrusting forward now and again. I had very little traction, but I got up a bit more. At about halfway I was stuck again. But then I suddenly realized: if I just inched up gently, the car moved forward without sliding back. I tried this out a few times, and it seemed to be working! A few times the car did almost slide back, but I hit the brake, moved back to the accelrator, turned the wheel this way or that, and kept going--inch by inch, bit by bit.

And at 7:52, my car pushed forward onto the flat part of the street again. I did it. I'd asked the powers that be for help and, somehow, I managed to figure a way out. I was thrilled. I kept laughing and shaking my head in disbelief as I turned into this wrong parking lot or that one. I re-read the note I'd scribbled down. The LAST driveway of the street. So around 7:55, I turned in, saw the 2nd brick building on the right, turned around in a small parking lot on an incline (only to employ my driving trick on a much easier bit of ice), and parked.

Of course I had to tell Emily about the experience. How in the hell could anything top that? I thought of the best line in the world too: "So I think it was Providence ITSELF that wanted you to teach me how to bowl tonight." Cute, funny, leaving the obvious said and unsaid. I called around 7:57. I accidentally spoke at the same time she did, a bit too quick, to say I was there and ready when she was. She had to get on her shoes. I told her I'd wait by the door. And for a little while I admired the trees and moon, remembering (and later forgetting) about the lunar eclipse on saturday. I looked in and could see part of her apartment; only a fleeting glimpse since I didn't want to be rude.

It'd been about a week so I'd kinda forgotten what she looked like. But out she came smiling, pretty as ever with her short auburn-brown hair. I began telling her the arrival story as I let her in on her side. (See Hill, you taught me a lot).

We talked about our respective weeks as we drove out along one of the main drags out of town. She'd had issues with some dude who was a lawyer for some other dude who heads a non-profit. She needed something from the main dude, and the lawyer was like, "Yes, he's in Zambia." She wasn't pleased. "Well he's in northeastern Zambia," the lawyer corrected. And I was like what, did he expect you to send a courier out to find him? I talked about how I'd been doing 3 different test for each of the three groups of differently aged monkeys I was doing for my current experiment. I hadn't fucked up anything, had managed to stay on top of classes, and generally felt good about having taken care of it all (and waking up 3 times at 6:30am without snorting drano in protest).

And so we arrived at the bowling alley. It was pretty clean and spiffy, to be honest. I was reminded almost instantly of The Dude from The Big Lebowski. Beyond my getting bowling shoes and being shown where all the balls were, though, she just smiled and laughed when she'd keyed us up and told me it was my turn. "That's it?" I said playfully. "No pointers, no tips? Just bowl?" She said nope and looked amused. I'd resigned myself to embarassment, though, so I boldly attempted to bowl. And my first game ever was oh so, so bad. We're talking a 46. Granted I didn't know what I was doing mostly, but still. After each attempt she'd cheer me on with encouragement or, if I did especially good, a light touch when I did well--or one of those amused disdainful sorts of 'what happened there?' expressions.

She'd decided to cut out the walking routine and for me to focus on just being straight with the ball. This I tried, but the first game didn't yield much improvement. I was having fun, though! And one thing about bowling is that you can totally check out the bowlee in question. Emily had worn something casual and non-revealing on our first date. Here she'd opted for a small yellow downy shirt with a white undershirt. The decolletage could not have been more perfect. Just enough to drive me to occasional distraction and accidental glances. These are things most men do. Thankfully, rather than being like Babbling-Fool or Talks-To-Chests, I never have a problem remembering where words should be directed toward.

She herself wasn't well either, she said. She'd gotten a little over a 100. We did high-five and hug when she got this strike or that spare, though. We also quickly developed the 'mutual recurring thing to talk about/joke about.' This is a dating necessity, I'm convinced. For us, it was the bottom right pin. It always seemed like it wouldn't go down for her spares, going so far as to wobble slightly from pin impact but defiantly sneering and waving its pin-like ass at us.

The 2nd game went better for me. I actually got the ball onto the alley more than the gutter, and I even got a spare. That itself was cool and her 'yay' smile and hug were neat too. You have to understand I dig her and I was still kinda nervous at this point about doing the right things. All of the little touches were nice and let me know it was all going well. After the 2nd game we got drinks, since she figured I might be thinking too much and needed some sauce (my word, not hers, though she was amused by it). She opted for beer and I went for a tequila sunrise. Well that went down quick as some pins did as well. I got two spares in a row on the 3rd game, with the almost 3rd one not quite getting pulled off. Still she said she was pretty impressed. It ended up being that I lead her for awhile 'til the end. I was pretty sure she wasn't doing worse to make me look better, but I did suggest my tendency to veer to the left or right a decent bit was rubbing off. I ended up with an 89, which considering the last few sets were crap wasn't bad. She'd thought at the beginning getting a 100 was my goal, and I'd just about gotten close. I was like, "wow, I can see myself getting addicted to this and dragging my roommate along." Smiles. I mean really, I can see myself finding a friend where we'd just randomly go bowling and otherwise never do anything together.

Now she'd suggested during the 2nd game that we'd do just one more. This perplexed me, since I figured the whole date'd be just bowling. And sure enough after the 3rd she smiled and asked what was up next. I was honest and said I hadn't thought of anything. But suddenly going to Genna's came to mind. I wanted to do something besides a bar (which'd we'd done 1st date), but nothing else really made sense given the weather and time. Along the way we got onto the subject of my never having been to Milwaukee. She was amazed and talked about some of the cool stuff to do there, and how it wasn't that far away. This made me hatch a 'plan,' which was asking if she wanted to go sometime like maybe next week. A friend of hers was visiting, however. She said she wouldn't spend the whole weekend with her, but still there was some awkward silence after that. Admittedly at a few points it just didn't make any sense to say something.Along the way we got onto the subject of my never having been to Milwaukee. She was amazed and talked about some of the cool stuff to do there, and how it wasn't that far away. This made me hatch a 'plan,' which was asking if she wanted to go sometime like maybe next week. A friend of hers was visiting, however. She said she wouldn't spend the whole weekend with her, but still there was some awkward silence after that. Admittedly at a few points it just didn't make any sense to say something.

Genna's was fairly packed. We went upstairs. Lo and behold, of all the people in the world, I saw Dan and Katie there, along with some other psych grads and people I recognized. I came over and was like, hey, small world. I intro'ed Katie to them, them to Katie, made a polite chit-chat question or two, then said 'well, have a good evening!', waved and smiled, then walked to the bar. Emily said it was ok if I wanted to sit with them. I said naw, they were doing their own thing. And of course that would have been terribly awkward. I rarely mix my different lives because friends from one realm of life, to my mind, wouldn't really relate to others. Dorian Grey from the Inferno, for instance, wouldn't get the grads, the grads wouldn't get the artists, the artists wouldn't know why the fuck I love geeks, and no one but some select people seem to get the curious other-worldly deal I've got going on at some points. So I'd just leave it at them knowingly talking about how I had a hot date. I could just hear the rumor mill grist being added, but hey, I knew it'd improve my reputation, given that Hill said it partly comprised my hitting on any available female grad student (which isn't true and likely more a product of the imparter, Erin, thinking that based on whatever).

You know the bar scene. We talked, we laughed, we touched. I ordered Gin and Tonics with Beefeaters, amazed at how rough the cheap shit I get at the Inferno was by comparison. Emily opted for tequila and lime juice. Of course I'd been paying for everything, but she got a drink somewhere in there. She insisted and far be it from me to trump grace with rudeness.

Toward last call, we started talking about religion and spirituality. She's episcopalian and considers herself such, but doesn't do church and isn't hardcore about it. I talked about Scott (grad student, not Mom's Scott) and how he was that too, then some tidbits I'd learned from him and what I knew from my history minor. I explained that the closest thing my faith approximated to was Universal Unitarian. She understood what that meant which was kinda neat. At that point I'd decided to have another drink past what I probably should have, partly because she suggested we could just walk back to her place. I guess the renewed alkie made me get quiet but emphatic about how I conceptualize what I think the divine is and all that business. You'd have to see me in person to understand, I guess. We'd been facing toward each other, her left leg outside mine, for awhile, and here we came to hold hands while she smiled and listened. I think right around there was when I realized I'd found someone really neat who returned the sentiment.

After last call, we headed back to my car. I wasn't sure about this, given that I could drive but I was feeling a bit too cavalier about it. I went for it anyway. Nothing bad happened as she directed me to park in this law firm parking lot. At that point I figured I'd walk her to the door, obviously. Somehow we'd come to the understanding of me going inside to her apartment to see a movie. I didn't have any preconceived notions. I honestly said in walking toward the building that I'd just enjoy spending more time with her.

She apologized for the state of her apartment a few times, where I said it was fine no problem. She figured I was the type of person to keep things neat and clean. I was like naw, I'm about average--probably sty-ish combined with my roommate.

So we sat down on her couch, she got an afghan blanket thing, nestled her head against my chest and side against my thigh, and made with the drapping of us while I cruised through the on demand selections. At first I figured, hey, The Machinist sounds interesting. A few minutes in I thought the film was way too heavy for a date. So I decided to switch to Clerks. She was well familiar with it, as was I. It's just one of those movies that works well for the circumstances, y'know? And I was fully intending to just see the thing through and being quite content to be curled up with a beautiful young woman. I mean hell, for a 2nd date it'd turned out beautifully.

Yet in the way she'd occasionally look up at me, I got this notion that she wanted to kiss--and I was certainly game. So after a bit of that wondering hovering, I went in. Sure 'nuff, kiss. 'Beautiful,' I thought. As it is with most first kisses, this quickly developed to full-on make-out kissing. She wanted to find the mute button for the movie. Part of me kinda liked the idea of having that on as background noise, but there are some points in life where you really shouldn't multi-task. Making out is one of these.

It'd been awhile since I'd properly done this, the circumstances the last time not being conducive to using all of my tricks or going all out. Of course I'm not going to really describe it since: 1) I can probably pretty well remember it as is; 2) You know my policy about sharing really intimate things about other people. Suffice it to say, my God, she looked fantastic. Just the body type I like, and she seemed to think likewise. We lost track of time. I remember telling her how I thought she was beautiful the first time I saw her, what I liked about her...

Now, the central question you may well be asking has an answer. And unlike what my roommate is convinced of, we didn't actually have sex. Oh there was certainly the impetus of both parties to engage in this, but at one point she basically said, "I like you too much for it to happen tonight." We kissed and she asked if that was ok. I said of course it was and went back to the smiling kissing thing. I fully believed her and took it as an immense compliment. Here was someone that compliments me well who wanted it all to be special. And I wanted it to be too. I could easily see things developing in a good direction, so why not just focus on the 'getting to know you' part? And besides, I never press a woman farther than she's willing to let me. It's her body, and it's her right, right?

And so it went for a long, long time, clear until 6:30 or 7am. It felt indescribably wonderful, obvious for obvious reasons but also like I'd found myself again. Given that she needed to go visit her friend and some others to watch a basketball game at 10am, we both figured at one point that sleep was a necessity. She fell asleep pretty quickly. Now one idiosynchracy about me is that I cannot go to sleep unless I'm on my back (or in a chair, but that takes major, major exhaustion). She'd been smilingly insistent that I be on my side up against her. I wasn't gonna complain and it was sweet hearing her go to sleep (and comforting that she doesn't snore). I gradually moved into sortof a compromise position, and went happy coma. So we woke up a few hours later, made out more, she showered while I made the bed and got dressed ('ahh, so you were making trouble in here' she'd said when she came back in). I'd also collected her clothing articles and put them on her dresser, because hey I thought it was considerate.

One cute thing was that she'd made me peppermint tea earlier that morning before the movie, which'd gone undrunk for obvious reasons. Well I figured it'd take awhile to get my boots on, so I asked her to nuke it. She did, the shoes got on, but the tea was hot and we were supposed to not leave Karen waiting. The slick thing here was that she had a portable coffee thermos. In with some honey, in with the tea, and out we go. Later on the walk she commented that her fingers still felt sticky. I inquired about which ones and teasingly kissed the digits in question. Finding no stickiness and saying so, I laced my hand with hers for a little bit. The morning itself had the clearest blue skies I'd seen in months, and the air was chilled to somehow bring out the sun-kissed colors of a warm winter.

It was wonderful.

And finally, after trying not to look like I was in pain because my hands felt like they were freezing, the time'd come to wish her well. It was a slightly awkward 'well, it was good to see you again.' I mean understatement, obviously. I'd asked about her saturday and sunday, where she was busy today (saturday) and kinda busy on sunday. I said I'd give her a call about when to do something. And with one last kiss, she went in and I went off to Fair Trade to get the banana nut muffin that she thought sounded like a damn fine breakfast. And with a black forest mocha in hand, sitting there at 10:30 in the light-cast cafe and just kicking back, I had one of those moments where you know you're alive and everything is right with your world. I didn't know what might come of it all.

But I was happy. I'd found someone worthwhile, someone special in the ways I'd been asking for.

It's neat.

The End.

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