It's vacation in Detroit. It's been like this a good few times now. It's a third home. Safe. Possibly adventurous if I decided to get my camera, tripod, and head out to the few districts that haven't been reclaimed by the city.

I'm feeling anxious and downtrodden. Emily had wanted to spend Christmas Eve with her family partly. Nicholas had to cancel our original plans. This put her in a bad state. I came up with a compromise of going to his place, where Joanna was staying alone. I met a stranger and we talked for a good 4 hours. Gothesque, into geeky things, used to club, etc. Sufficiently alike = good conversation. Emily didn't like the prospect, but Nicholas had said he might be over. He never did come that evening, but she got her family time.

So for Christmas, I'd gotten two text messages indicating I could stay at Nicholas' however long I wanted, that it'd be fine to stay there today. I sent her a text message checking up an hour ago. I got a call back where it was clear she wasn't pleased with how long I'd stayed here. I brought up her text messages. That didn't seem to help. She inferred that I might just keep staying here. She didn't want to discuss it. I didn't want to press the illogic of it and leave it for tomorrow, or give it time.

I don't get it. I left a warm house, on Christmas Eve, going to Nicholas' place and spending it with a stranger because being with her family meant a lot to her. When I want to spend time with my family out here, it somehow isn't fair or right.

She'd tentatively put forward my coming back to her parents' place at 12 or 2. Even though she'd given me the freedom to choose when I got back, she mentioned this as if I should have really stuck to that suggestion instead of when I contacted her to check up (around 8).

Nicholas has suggested she's stressed out about her trip, it's the holidays, etc.

This kind of reaction has come up 2 or 3 times before. We rarely have reason to fight, but when there's something wrong it gets very uncomfortable.

Granted, this is a better situation than I've been in at most other times. However, my main reason for staying with Emily has been her emotional stability and being reasonable in the face of stress. I respect what she's going through, but I think her being pissed off at me this last time is uncalled for. I suppose one talks about it and things get better.

She's leaving on the 31st. I think it'll be good to have some extended time by myself to suss things out. The relationship has good and bad points. We're compatible in some ways, not compatible in others. We fundamentally work. It's fun. I mostly like it.

I hate feeling like shit on Christmas. I haven't done anything wrong but I'm getting shit for wanting to spend time with a dear, dear friend of mine.

Maybe I've been too patient, maybe I haven't been indignant enough or angry enough when something illogical or unfair happens. Maybe I should just drive over there and deal with this bullshit because it's emotionally not at all a good time for me.

I voluntarily leave to make her happy and this is the thanks I get is not a mantra, but it is a thought.

Shit happens, can't do shit about it, no one has broken into my car and I'm not dying so life is alright. Time to write.

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