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Lights out

2009-03-11 - 5:51 a.m.

I am up again, driven awake by torch-like sheets and the cold clamp of veined need for water. It is not yet light out. I am listening to the Moonlight Sonata and wondering if, after my routine to relax, I will find a few more hours on the side of the road.

I feel like I'm dying by varying degrees. My right thumb has been out of place. The cross-country skiing fall on my left elbow 2 weeks ago renders it yet with pain and tenderness. The occasional heart beat irregularity, sudden skin dancing above it, and likewise things makes me wonder if my decade of general sleep deprivation in higher ed. has put me down a shorter life.

I am hungry, but I have no food. There is food at least a year old, rotting in my fridge. I keep meaning to take it out. When I come home at night, however, I just want to forget, and relax, and sleep.

It is not yet light out.

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