Given that I mostly do Facebook, let's post the entirety of the exchange for posterity sake:

Just last week she'd been talking about how he'd broken her trust multiple times, how she wasn't going to put up with it much longer, and etc. Most women are fickle. I never saw anything long-term developing anyway, so it's really more of a wound to the ego than anything.

No. What sunk my mood yesterday and today was that Jessica canceled our plans for tonight. We had a conversation about this yesterday (Wednesday) while I was at Julia and Tom's place watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 for modern movies; Rifftrax, don't you know.

The basic gist was that she's closing her store and needs to be moved out of there, and her apartment, by Monday. Her landlord isn't pleased. As a function of closing down the business, that involves some legal stuff. So while she "had a really good time" out with me on the first date, she feels like she can't "give the necessary amount of attention to me that [I'd] deserve." And something about not being ready for something serious. I challenged her on that and said I was just looking to casually date. I did include more honesty than I'd have liked: that I felt a connection to her, and I liked her and wanted to see her again. Ended up being that I said I'd call her in a week. And another week after that to see how things were, and suss out whether her life had calmed down sufficiently. She seemed down with the idea and that talking by phone would take less time.

It was a bad move. The dating advice columns written by men clearly indicate that talking over the phone with a woman is pointless. So I have this theory that I'll ask her out to lunch next week. Try to be spontaneous. Try to see if it's bullshit or just bad timing.

I'd thought of offering to help her move, but that's too much. I've only seen her once and I don't want to reward her for breaking a date. Normally, that's a deal-breaker. Angelica did it with our 2nd date as well, but she had a flare-up of her existing neck injury--and I know exactly how annoying that can be. She's had far worse so I gave her some slack, and sure enough we had 3 more lukewarm but fun dates.

I know it's probably a toss-off. I know the guy that'd randomly gotten all up in her business the night we actually met is the same guy she's casually seeing, because I saw them last Saturday at absinthe night. I also know I'm more attractive and almost certainly most successful than he'll ever be, but I'd tried getting physical with Jessica the month before and that didn't fly.

She sounded nervous and anxious the whole time. She's shy by nature. She's also likely a no-go. Which sucks because we spent 4 hours together and it just clicked.

So I'm down to just one prospect: the roommate of a grad school colleague/old friend that I hadn't talked to really in over 3 years. That is a story. Here is that story. Erin and I ran into each other right after her thesis defense, she invited me out, and subsequently last Friday I saw her, Melissa, and several of their friends get pretty drunk. Dude named Tim kept buying us drinks. It was festive and wonderful. Ended up being, at Ian's pizza at some early late hour, that she told me that we'd lost touch around the time I'd started dating Emily, my ex of 3 years. Thing is, I'd wanted to date Erin and left a rose for her in her business mailbox. She'd told me she preferred guys that treated her badly. Friendship basically withered after that. But it was a nice illusion, what she was saying. She told me I had a heart of gold and that I was one of the best people she'd known in Madison, despite our not having talked for awhile. After all, she said, she wouldn't hook her roommate up with just anyone.

We'd promised each other that we'd hang out one more time before she left. She facebooked me and wrote the following yesterday: "

Erin: "I really hate to do this, but I think I need to cancel our plans to meet up. The 100% honest reason is that I am really overwhelmed by everything I need to get done by Thursday/moving day. Packing up a life is exhausting! Anyhow, I apologize- and I will be sure and write to you soon, because I have a couple of things I think are worth sharing with you.

All the best-
Erin"

So Angelica, Jessica, and Erin either canceled or otherwise made exits from my life in the past 24 hours.

I'd feel like shit normally. I kinda do mostly because I really do dig Jessica. But dating is a brutal pit of idiocy. Frankly my only comfort lately is Julia. She's the only person in my life right now that just accepts me and doesn't expect anything. She's sympathized with the whole knackered dating situation and offers kind words and advice. Really, if it weren't for her and her boyfriend Tom, I'd largely be back to where I was in April: single, mildly desperate, and wondering if I could find like-minded people outside of graduate school. It's like a have a home base to fall back to. And long-term readers know the wilderness state I've wandered through when the sky has been concrete and direction is scattered like flesh to the walking corpses.

It's been a fucked 24 hours, gentle reader. This morning was a pleasant exception to an otherwise clusterfuck, but you know my policy.

Meeting people outside of the Inferno is the next logical step, but that is different territory. People expect and go to bars to do the whole mating ritual. I don't ever date colleagues, and none of my friends know anyone single and of my type, so I wonder if I have to get really old school. Like. Randomly approaching women that I think are cute and being charming. I've gotten some practice. Granted. I know how to get a number. Granted. Yet. At the same time, I hate interrupting people doing shit. Like I've noticed this one girl who seldomly studies in the cafeteria rotunda thing downstairs, and she's really cute, but she looks so hardcore into the studying. And I've been there. And I remember not wanting to be disturbed for the world.

So at the moment it's just kinda all fucked.

Tomorrow I go out and see Tom. Not sure what we're doing. I like Tom a lot. He reminds me of The Captain/Daniel except he's more out-going. Gonna do karaoke on Sunday too in all likelihood, me, him, and Kelsey (i.e. a friend of his who is a decent fellow). Saturday will be Gabe/Julia's ex's birthday party. The Inferno's theme night is going to be terrible, so I'm not going to bother.

Bitch bitch ramble. Goddamnit.

Oh, and addition: I decided to re-contact Hillary. Yes. That Hillary. We'd be best friends several years ago. It's all there in the old files. Basic gist is we got close, she tried to improve me so that I was more lady marketable, and stuff kinda went straight to hell. Y'know honestly even though we were really poison for each other, I would occasionally still wonder how she was. When I get to love someone, it sticks that way, regardless of whomever they turn out to be. So decided to email her the other night. This long, rambling thing. I basically wrote that I knew why she'd given me a hard time about being clingy like I used to be, and how I just needed to buck up sometimes. That recent experiences had taught me that I hated being that way and could never go back to it. I'd also added at the beginning that "So this is breaking the whole drifting off and never speaking to or otherwise acknowledging each others' existence thing. I figured it might be edifying, however. Involves some background."

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