We just had our going-away party. I spent most of it cleaning up because I have nothing to talk about with most of Julia's friends. Their husbands are good sorts, on the geeky side, and we exchanged some comments. But by and large I never really gelled with any of them.

Darren came by late in the evening. He's a part of the Cam. When I was VST of Requiem, he was one of the four die-hards that always came to game. I subsequently was a regular player when he was VST of Accord. I missed the last game because my wife and kid were sick, and my wife guilt-tripped/threatened me and threw a gigantic hissy fit. We only got to talk about game a little, on account of ASD Bitch's father butting into the conversation and abruptly ending it.

Darren was one of a handful of friends I had in Maryland. He was the only one who came. That meant a lot to me. Since the beginning of this year, I had faded off into obscurity from the Cam. That was my only social life in Baltimore. After all, I was only going to be here 3 years. Why bother trying to form long-lasting relationships? So I didn't.

That part I don't regret. I regret not being able to see my people one last time. Maybe it was nothing deep on an emotional level, but when we all got together for game and made something work, it was amazing. And when I could help pull things through, push plot along, and get kudos at the end from everyone--that was 5 minutes of wonder in a week of shit. There's been a lot of shit.

My wife took that away from me. The one thing that made me feel good. The one place I had friends. To take care of her and Garion when she later on in the day did not feel all that bad, because having me around made her feel better.

It was one of the most selfishly thoughtless things she's done, and she's fairly selfish in general. I don't think I'll ever quite forgive her for it. But that's what being married is about. Putting the needs of others before your own. Again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

But at least I only have to see some of these bitches one last time. Fattest Bitch did not bother to make eye contact. I like Fatter Bitch well enough, although she reminds me of my Mom too much for me to ever really like her.

I think I will miss ASD Bitch/Fat Bitch least of all. She was my wife's best friend in Baltimore. I saw her all the time. I could not stand her personality. Her son irritated me every time I saw him. Sometimes I would come home from work and she would just be there, over for dinner randomly, and I hated it. Or we would be invited to eat there. Or for this event or that event. In a social situation where I felt like I never had any real control over what I got to do, she was the sharpest thorn that jabbed into my side.

And soon she will be gone. They will all be gone. And Darren will be gone. And it'll be time to go to Iowa. And it'll be time to start anew.

And maybe this time, I can lay down some ground rules, and veto some social horseshit before it becomes policy.

The last year has largely been a bag of dicks. I am tired of carrying around a bag of dicks.

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