I have lunch with my new friend tomorrow. This is not an affair. This is not a cry for help. This is the first time in years someone has proactively taken an interest in who I am. Just cut straight through all of the bullshit.

It terrifies me.

I have gotten used to my wife and I being mutually miserable and tired. Not because of each other typically, but the rigors of parenting and losing touch. So now I am in a position where any meaningful contact is, frankly, so strange and new that I am instantly attracted and repelled by it.

I tried to make friends with someone online recently. Terry. We seemed to get along well, had similar life experiences and interests. But over the course of a few weeks she did not reach out. If there isn't two-way communication, it's not a real friendship.

There is a silent, pathetic desperation. I used to laugh about people like me.

I want to be relevant enough to warrant an interaction similar to what happened when we were young. Without it being prompted by being a husband. Without it being prompted by being a supervisor. So this seems like the best way forward.

I'm scared but I don't care.

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