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Sea of neglectful tranquility

2015-09-27 - 2:19 a.m.

Standard issue insomnia. Too tired to sleep. Mind too active with laundry list of academia to shut down. Alcohol never helps, even if it's several hours prior to the bed event.

J went on for 15 minutes about ideas for the Halloween party we're hosting. She randomly asked if I had ideas about food while G was watching Cars. This caught me by surprise. I was researching new machine specs because the laptop died. I tossed out a few things. I then asked her if we could discuss it later. She then proceeded to talk at me in the way she does: cupcakes, an obligatory story from the autobio files related to pumpkin bites...all while G occasionally nattered in his fashion and wanted interaction. Exactly the kind of split attention situation I loathe with a goddamned passion.

I attempted to give a fuck, but I was too irritated to care. I asked to talk about it later. Didn't matter. Now I feel bad because I probably should have tried to better pay attention. Whenever J talks about food ideas, that's when she really comes alive and smiles a bunch. And I simply don't care at all about cooking that much. Least of all when I'm doing research on what I care about, which itself is something she kind of cares about but not really because it's mostly my machine.

It hammered home the point that we have separate interests, and outside of our son it's hard to say what we mutually care about nowadays. She gets heavily involved in arranging social plans because she stays at home with Garion still. That's cool and all, but my priorities just aren't there. I guess that's the way it is with being married: flashes of togetherness separated by a sea of benign neglect.

I'm going to try to go back to sleep again.

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