Person I once considered marrying, and the same, despite having 3 kids and being married to a narcissist.

Person who was the only one there for me when J left and made me a single dad with my 4-year old son, just like what happened with me and my mom when I was 5. (Yes it was all consensual, I'm poly, she's mongamish, wait who the fuck am I defending myself to everyone is gone here.)

Person who I took my son G to see and her family nearly every weekend for years. For his stability. For mine.

Person who I gave up when I thought Borderline Personality Disorder Girl came back into my life, single and seemingly perfect, because BPD Girl who had alleged she was poly back when J and I were married but dating was, in fact, emphatically not poly at all and was constantly threatened by the thought of K.

Person who I thought I might spend some final few years with after S dies in her mid-70's because The Fates have shown it, and she anticipates she'll go around that time too.

Person who told me she'd never leave me.

Person who I pleaded with to just have a phone call to talk with my wife S, about the stupid ignorant shit she posted on social media that led to S dealing with thousands of comments to this day that undermine S's work.

Person who chose her own pride and refused, knowing that would be it for us.

Now you're a ghost in my head. Alongside hundred or so other people I thought I would have lifelong friendships, family bonds, or romantic attachments to. Kris P, Elegant Gay Pilipino Jimmy, Elegant Gay Black Businessman Jimmy, J.A.K., Liz Keegs and Bo and Matt, Kate, The Liz, Nicholas the Artist, Nicholas the Gamer, The Captain, AcAc, Adi, Jenn, Megan, Meghan, Megan II, Tanya, J the Ex-Wife, Julia my First Love, Siobhan, Amanda...and so many other individuals. Honorable mentions include all of the crews. High school academic, high school BBSes, goth (many iterations), straightedge, punk, speedracing, tabletop gaming (many iterations), vampire LARP (three iterations), dystopia rising LARP (though technically active every year-ish now I guess)...and of course Diaryland Chat. I used to be the king of Diaryland Chat. No really, it was true, motherfuckers said so.

All of it. Gone. Ghosts that trail me in my mind, like a cloak of rusted metal daggers, that I wear constantly and no one but me feels.

For anyone who read all of the shit I penned in this fucking thing over the years, dear reader, it would be a kaleidoscope of scenes, personalities, and my own hobbies and affectations.

I put on and take off versions of myself and accompanying people/crews like coats. It's how I've always been. Everyone and no one, everywhere and nowhere.

And so I cast the latest entrant, K, into the obscurity of my memory, open-access or paywalled as per circumstance. Bodies to bodies. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

Person who could have been my wife. Goodbye.

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