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The legacy of nun porn and other curious things... 2003-08-20 - 2:46 a.m. 
So I was thinking in the shower last night: why doesn't nun porn get more press on the 'net? It's a well-documented phenomenon that many people get off while watching authority figures getting it on (or taking it off). But out of the teachers, cops, corporates, firefighters and professional clowns, nuns seem to be pretty low on the totem pole of porn. This confuses me. According to the 2002 Britannica Book of the Year, there are 1,067,053,000 Roman Catholics in the world. Granted, a majority of them don't have access to the internet and fewer still have DSL/Cable/a T line. I'll even give you that only a minority are graced with a Catholic education. Even with all that in mind, though, I ask you: If you are an American, I ask you to write to your Congressperson or Senator, urging them of the importance to acknowledge the paucity (i.e. not much-itude) of nun porn and rectify this grevious oppression. If you are not an American, I ask you to write President George Walker Bush (here) or Vice President Richard Cheney (here) and urge them with as much vigor and passion as the Americans!...since you can get away with that shit and not receive a call from the Secret Service (and the CIA literally has its head in the sand anyway). Nun porn will not go crying into the night; it will not be silenced! A legion shall rise and let cry "Show me the nunny!" If we work together, we can go the distance! Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. ---- This morning I noticed something odd while stumbling to the kitchen in my usual half drunk way. Some of those halloween candies--the mini chocolate bar candy things from the entryway dish--were scattered down the stairs leading to the ground floor. At first I thought mom was trying to be cute. I followed the trail downstairs. I looked left; a minibar candy. I continued. As I rounded the corner there were several more minibars, then the entire bag itself in all its light shredded glory--just a few feet from the cat door. There were chocolate chunks and nibbled chocolate grain around hastily opened wrappers. I walked up stairs and remained pleasantly confused about the whole thing for most of the day. Finally, Scott told me that an opossum had scampered up the stairs, knocked over my bowl of nuts on the couch, then dragged the bag of chocolates down to have a hallway picnic. All I have to say is that I'm glad something finally ate the halloween leftovers. ---- And while we're at it, let's talk about the Coca-Cola corporation and their obsession with cock and tits. Now I appreciate blatant advertising and debauchery as much as the next reasonably sarcastic person, and Coca-Cola has been more than obliging in pushing the envelope for years. Case in point, this famous example of a 12 oz. can of classic Coke (and even in Chinese in this case!):
Perhaps to some of you this appears to be the inventive advertising genius of a crank whore on ruffies and peyote. In the lower-left hand corner, though, you'll notice that the top has been popped on the thick, meaty container, spraying its sticky-sweet fun all over in a heady rush. Message: if you drink this product, you will have an orgasm (or you'll possess the power of the phallus, maybe both). Alternate message: if you drink this product, your dick will spontaneously explode. If you do not have such a piece of equipment, a nearby male will oblige. But the Coca-Cola corporation doesn't stop there; not by any means. Among other Coke products that feature sex organs, you need look no further than Sparkletts water. I got this picture off the front of their official website, and it's rougly the same picture you'll see on every bottle:
On the surface this label seems normal, perhaps even kinda dull. Now focus on those two large, all natural water droplets. Now look at the perky (and quite conveniently placed) stars mounted upon them. There you have it, water drops shaped like big tits. Message: If you drink this product, you will grow tits this large! Or it will be just like suckling them! Alternate Message: If you drink this product, you will have improved kidney function but lower back pain...and looks of death from a significant portion of the female population...or looks of extreme curiousity and 'Robert Paulson' comments if you are male... ---- So, to recap: nun porn advocacy, opossum mischief and blatant coke cock titilation advertising. This post is brought to you by the letter Y. |
