Me: You know I can't control it.

Her: I'm going to enjoy killing you.

Me: Behind you.

Her: Please.

**shots fired, a grotesquely large demon-like thing falling to the floor in pulp-like bits**

Me: Your taste in men astounds me.

Her: What, like you?

Me: You can't always go wrong, dear. Seriously, let's just talk-

The dream faded into her trying to disembowel me with her fingernails after that.

Ah fantasies. A jaded, utterly corrupted young woman about to be taken down by whatever powers she sold herself to; and me getting way over my head, just to save her, dig her out of the hole she had made. Call it a hobby, masochism, it's just something I feel compelled to do for certain people.

Anyway, I'm not sure if it was connected, but there was someone else inside my head after that. On occasion she comes by in my dreams. I can't ever remember what she says. She just keeps me company, smiles sometimes. It's strange because it's been happening for a few years now. Same person, same face I can never remember in-detail, just there sometimes to remind me of something.

Today was healing. A girl who had been a real bitch about standing me up last semester tried to get my attention. She occasionally tries to do this in an awkwardly subtle way that never quite works. Today's example: I saw her, heard her say "good morning, but she was looking down toward the stairwell with a sad face. There wasn't anyone else around, so she had to be talking to me or herself. Now I occasionally have conversations with myself when deciding something, but I don't wish myself a good morning. That'd be weird.

Most surprising thing was Miss E, actually. The "Who I Am" section has the details. Basic summation: Me & her, she has long-distance boy, she goes for boy, add one heart to blender and set to frappe, chill, serve.

We haven't really been on speaking terms for a good 7 months now. I tried sending her letters, wanting to sit in some dusty corner of my favorite bar alongside her and just figure out how things should be. Never received word one, unfortunately, even to that one I mentioned awhile back.

Today we just had a conversation. Nothing special, thought-provoking, or interesting about it. It just felt good not having to purposefully ignore her. She sounded sincere when she said it had be nice just to talk, even invited me over. I wanted to hug her. Nice weight being lifted, like everything is finally o.k.

Otherwise I've been in meetings, classes, or setting stuff up with my head researcher. I feel busy as all hell, but I'm not stressed.

Yet there are alot of people who seem so sad, upset. It almost seems like a see-saw effect sometimes, how they feel compared to me. I tried wishing them well, but I have this habit of thinking everything I say is trite and overdone.

And I want to back up pinknoise in saying you should visit your local public library; beats paying for CD's.

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