Most of my day has been taken up by chem. lab. It was a flurry of math equations, little experiments, and me getting lost somewhere along the way. I got angry and stayed that way for awhile afterwards. I decided to stop by the cafe on campus and pick up a soda or something to kept my stomach from eating itself.

It was then the boy noticed me. I'd seen him at the Anime club on fridays and he'd introduced himself once. He was smiling, said my name and waved me over hurriedly, and mentioned that he really needed to talk to me. I told him I needed some soda and that I'd be right back.

Coming to sit back down I knew what he wanted to ask me, what was on his mind. I've seen boys and men smile at me like that before. Maybe it was just his expressions, something, but I knew he wanted to flirt. I didn't have any problem with this. I never have before, actually. One of these days I'll tell you about the 30 year old gorgeous gay millionaire who tried getting into my pants.

It ended up being a really engaging, wonderful conversation. We have the same obscure taste in underground euro and american music, been into some of the same club scenes. It was bizarre how well we were getting along.

One of the first things out of his mouth was how attractive he thought I was. I honestly confided that noone had told me that in a long time. As an aside I've spent years trying to make myself as physically unattractive as possible: not shaving, modifying my body language and making myself (what I thought was) totally unapproachable. Yeah, plenty of women and men look, but I want to think it's just that normal scanning look. You know how committed I am to work and that means making sure I don't do something stupid like get involved or have too many friends; hell, I can't even spend the time that they or you deserve. I need safeguards.

But this boy saw past everything and with fear in his eyes told me these things. I felt some old part of me shift...and suddenly all of the old motions came back. How to wave my hands, the right voice pitch, how to use my eyes, everything. I was flirting with the boy and I was enjoying myself immensely.

Every smile, wave, gesture, I knew that he found it provacative, found me provacative. Just to protect him, though, I emphasized that I can never see my friends (a total lie) and that I don't socialize much (a lie depending on what you define socializing as). He frowned on occasion. He genuinely looked disappointed many times, saying he was sorry. I told him alot of things he wasn't looking for...but it's for his protection.

Lying again to leave, he asked if he could flirt with me again on friday (when they have another movie showing). I said sure, smiled, and walked out.

I'm not gay, but I couldn't help flirting back with him. Most people think male bisexuality is a myth...and I'm willing to agree. Men just don't turn me on...but he was attractive and charming in a boyish way. I probably made his day too.

Sad thing is, eventually, it'll actually hurt him and for much longer than a day. What can I say, I tried but I couldn't help it; I wanted to charm him (not seduce, mind you).

But he was attractive...and I've never...but no, men just don't do it for me. And then there are the other girls I know who like getting close, want me to come to events...but no. It must be no.

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