They should have been back awhile ago...but you know how food runs are. Matt has interesting taste...in particular the soundtrack to Noir and some of Ben Folds independent work. Ben Folds...I thought he was great when I heard his first few CD's. Now it's like listening to myself without the complete sentences and other useless shit getting in the way.

Useless shit, I wonder sometimes...I wonder if it's normally to keep forgetting who you are, or healthy to be ok with that when you realize it. I talk so much about my problems that I don't bother. I don't bother reading the signs on the walls, people's faces. You lay representations on top of familiar things. I even find myself doing it with conversations. I never thought I'd see the day where I had a two hour conversation without thinking or feeling anything. Routine is dangerous.

At least for now life seems to have something to it. People outside are screaming about the gorgeous weather, half-naked and barefoot. I can imagine the blades of grass feel good between the toes, soft and slightly squishy spring soil. And at this moment I remember that I'm alive again...not in a morbid way, but that I am me, someone, a person, not an entity.

Funny. I go back to studying.

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