I've almost exhausted all of the top and second tier private universities in America in anything remotely related to my field. I feel foolish for not taking that job at Monell. It takes all my concentration just to read through one person's research. It just keeps going and going, me wondering all the time if I even want to do research. I don't want to program code but it seems most people in biological psychology are looking for that.

I just want to find someone who is interested in studying social phenomena using physiological measures. Why is that so difficult? At this point I'll settle for almost anything. I'm sick of aimlessly reading hundreds of lab descriptions and being a useless parasite. There are a few positions still in question. If they're up I'll take them. I'm successively giving less and less of a fuck.

Then again, some people spend half a year unemployed. At least I haven't reached the "absolutely pathetic" mark just yet. Damned doubt tsunamis.

Still, I'm in a much better position than most. I move back and forth from self-pity to just feeling slightly annoyed. I'm trying to cut down on the bemoaning, honestly. I think I just need to express more than my doubts here. I owe that much to my memories.

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