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Misinformed politics: Iraq, the musical 2002-08-27 - 7:39 p.m. 
(Disclaimer: If you are offended by political satire, you may wish to skip this entry. Read at your own risk.)From the same administration that revealed the 'Axis of Evil' and indirectly halted US-based Korean mediation efforts, Hawk Productions proudly invites you to experience the cinematic blockbuster of the winter: 'Iraq Attaq 2: Hussein in the Membrane.' THRILL to Shaquille O' Neal in his reprised role as Johnny Democracy, taking free-market capitalism to the Evil Iraqi Regime Shaq style! "Baghdad, heh...{vbooooooooooom} bag 'dat" EXPLODE as Charlie Sheen reprises every character he has ever been as Crusader, the Green Beret/Navy Seal narcoleptic sexalist. "Christ, how many of these people do I have to fuck and kill before we get to the denouement-{snore}" ROCKING theaters this winter! If you don't watch, the terrorists have already won.
What followed was a string of unfounded hyperboles. Not only would allowing "the return of [U.N.] inspectors...provide no assurance whatsoever of his [Hussein's] compliance with U.N. resolutions," but it would provide "false comfort" under the guise of which Hussein would "seek domination of the entire Middle East," simultaneously "husband[ing] his resources to invest in ongoing chemical and biological weapons programs and to gain possession of nuclear weapons." In short, a "pre-emptive" strike is the only alternative, since waiting for proof of a nuclear arsenal has a "logic [that] seems to me to be deeply flawed." For the sake of brevity and not sounding like a pretentious ass, I won't get into the logical fallacies apparent in those arguments. What I will address, however, is a blatant contradiction. According to CNN, UN inspection officials never found any biological, chemical or nuclear capabilities before their getting ousted in '98. Cheney argues one of the reasons Iraq should be invaded, aside from Hussein being "evil," is that Hussein failed to destroy chemical and biological weapons, as well as stop seeking nuclear capabilities. My question: what weapons of mass destruction? Have any ever been found? No; ICBM's don't count. Have any been used? No. Is there any insidious link between Iraq and other terrorist organizations with ties to Al-Qaeda that would suggest weapons are being made? Yes, with a radical Lebanese seperatist group called Hezbollah and several Iraqi terrorist organizations, which allegedly have ties to Al-Qaeda. Given these possible connections, Germany, Russia, France and Canada say that further investigation is warranted (with varying degrees of passive approval), but a pre-emptive strike will just piss off the Middle East. Seeing as how allies are a good thing, especially if anyone allies with Iraq... So what do I say? America is too late for what Cheney wants. We lost pre-emptive strike capability when word leaked out to the press. Regardless of what Hussein is doing, a war requires funding; the Congress controls funding. So, for his hawk propaganda, Cheney has to sit. And so we wait... |
