Really, the closest it all comes to is rooting a good-looking stranger in some twilight bar, with wine in their eyes and life in their mouths. You dispense with the unnecessary undergarments and keep their mask of clothing plastered against you. Fools moan, professionals stare--either of which is advantageous depending upon which kind of audience you prefer. You inevitably want people to see you fuck, regardless.

The problem is when you lack anyone to fuck with, literally, metaphorically and analogically speaking.

I digress.

I've recently indulged in the habit of going to bed extremely early on sundays to wake up at 5:45am on mondays. I then stay up for 24 hours without a hitch. As a product of all this I've confused my sleep circuitry and begun dreaming much more than normal. I'll often wake up in the morning, then lay back in a semi-awake state. I realize I'm awake, but I continue dreaming. I usually don't follow whatever it is for very long, mostly out of some weird ideal of saving time. Most of the dreams have been positive lately. This is a strange turn for me: I'm used to mostly having nightmares, really disturbing ones centered around my either being stalked by or killed by something. You can see why deviation from all this would be cool.

So far as life in general goes, mom and I spend alot of time doing errands or going to lunch/dinner together. We've always been real close like that, which according to Newsweek is statistically more likely to make my mate think I'm more affectionate. I don't know where the fuck this 'mate' organism is, but if there were one, there you go.

The Captain and I haven't done something in a few weeks, but we've got plans to meet on saturday to see "Fog of War" and get dinner. He's a great friend, reminds me of socializing that involves faces, hands, lips, voices and boisenberry gullets clicking. On that count, I've oddly enough I've gotten chances to socialize with Attila and Midget outside of the lab. I like both of them alot, genuinely, but I'm likely to be shipping out of LA sometime April to go to another location. It'd suck to really get to know them outside of the lab, only to go someplace else. I can't very well be cold and reserved toward them, but at the same time it's not fair to them or myself. On a more practical side, I've got so many self-absorbed side projects that tacking on a 'real' social life, apart from The Captain and Selene, would be too much.

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In other news, I've become an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church. That got me to thinking about becoming a 'real' minister, since (for whatever bizarre reason) I've wanted to serve the spiritual needs of people ever since I was a kid. Not that I was raised with or have a religion of any kind, but apparently there are non-denominational groups out there that agree with alot of what I'm interested in.

Take the Unitarian Universalists, for instance. While they claim to mostly be derived from Judaism and Christianity, they're open to influence from all the major world religions.

I also like their stance on salvation, since apparently that word is derived from the Latin 'salus', meaning health--and they push forward the idea of encouraging the well-being of others by offering support when it seems direly needed or is asked for. I try to do this all the time; it's just the sort of person I am. I find this interpretation appealing because--as a Non-Christian--I've never bought the idea of Christ dying for our sins and redeeming us. The Bible never quotes him as saying anything like that, and yet the bedrock of most Christian sects is founded on that assumption. The Uni. Unis.' view strikes me as sane and incredibly reasonable.

I could ramble on why I think the group is neat. Suffice it to say, someday, I would like to be the person my friends could look to to perform particular non-denominational rites (although I can carry a dogmatic tune pretty well if need be). That probably sounds fucked in the ear, but it's just something I'd like to do.

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Not so Old Tyme Religion aside, the lab has been the lab. The undergrads make it a pleasant place. No experiments are underway just yet, but I'm doing some shit tomorrow (friday) so that a few senior people can get their projects underway--including Attila and Chernobel.

Mostly, though, I can't wait to get an acceptance some place and finally leave the Zivago lab. I've gotten alot of good experience there--and I don't regret the time I've spent in it--but I'm reaching my horseshit saturation point.

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So far as photography goes, I want to process a few more shots and upload them to the gallery. Lately I've been feeling lazy, but I recently got some encouragement from people to keep it going. I suppose I'm still recovering from all that application madness.

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Emotionally speaking, I've been feeling really content, not nearly as stressed out or paranoid as I had been. If Dr. Ziv is an asshole, I don't give a remote fuck; I see him for what he is. Everyone else is cool.

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Finally, I'm thinking about making travel plans with Dork about bumming around Detroit for a week or two in March. I've got vacation time saved up and there are quite a few people I want to meet/visit over in that area. I'll let you know how that develops.

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Bed is good. I'll go try that.

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