So I'm the starving college student, barely have any cash, let alone be able to pay 825 fucking dollars a month for rent, right? My government program that partially funds me never reimburses me on time...and they even take cuts out of the reimbursements. I'm going to look into that and possibly take legal action, but here's the cherry in the woman of that which is Fortuna:

The payroll department at where I work screwed up my deposits! And I have absolutely NO money! At all!! I'm smiling like I was just kicked in the balls on candid camera, don't fret. Right now, between two banks, I have 16 dollars to my name...

Y'see, businesses can do this thing called "direct deposit" which allegedly puts money directly into my account off in Buttfuck, Ohio. Now, on the first try...and get this...on the first try that they try to send something direct deposit, they're "laying a dry riverbed," right? And the water can flow down it 50/50. That's right, in this day and age of voice-activated vibrators and fax machine wonder, people STILL don't know what the fuck to do with your money. This validates my outlook on office staff all the more (folks, I applied to a bunch of colleges...I was only accepted to one...wanna know why? It didn't lose all of my admissions material the third time I sent it...every other college did. You can guess how highly I esteem this cubicle lichen, then).

But the funniest thing is, my life, my ability to eat, hell, the ability to pay for the barest essentials so that I don't have to imitate Medieval peasants in their hygienic routine, is based on chance! 50/50! It's not like I can cash this damn check at a local bank. Oh sure, waltz right in, lay down a check for over a thousand dollars and politely ask "Greetings. I am not, nor ever would be, a member of your fine, vehemently Anglo-Saxon or Hebrew derived institution, as I have received enough flak in the past to warrant aloofness, if not outright Nixonian suspicion regarding places of business such as yours. Please, would you kindly look at my two forms of proper identification, one of them being a lovely picture of me at the DMV, my social security number, and tender this exact amount. No, I do not want to open a gold account..."

However I have better things to do, like pray to whatever Pagan gods are listening for more subjects to come in. And I haven't eaten yet today either. But at least I am amused rather than enraged.

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