Friday night was spent pouring over chemistry and figuring out the little idiosyncracies of matter. It's funny: I'll bitch about the work, but when I'm actually doing it I really enjoy it.

I was in a private library across campus, just writing structures until 2am. Earlier in the day I received an email from someone informing me that pictionary was going on.

You have to understand: our version of pictionary is famous. We don't just come up with obscure topics, no...we have pearls like "I like my eggs fertilized in the morning," "rubber meat sings zen sound check one" and other little atrocities to good taste.

I walked by the window, wondering if people were still inside. I heard wailing and screams of laughter before I even got the chance. The game was going strong.

People went until about 3am when Omega decided that people had to either pay money or have sex to stay. I asked what the conversion rate was for blowjobs to quarters. Apparently I could do my laundry quite a few times and still have spare change to stay.

The rule was lifted as a core group began to lounge and talk about inane crap. I saw the web of doom, a drawing done by Omega's friend Aaron that implicated him, her, and at least 13 other people in some sex web of enemies, friends, and stretches of life remembered in porn vignette moments. Aaron talked about the porn store he frequented often, often with different friends of this web for different reasons. For a straight guy, he's apparently handled quite a few tools.

Erin amazes me sometimes. She came in midway through the pictionary game, occasionally commenting to the room or individuals about the "fooz" party she had been to. She then proceeded to, more or less, act drunk. She once explained to me that she randomly does this even though she isn't drunk at all. Apparently it allows her to do things she wants to do.

Granted maybe some pseudo ex-boyfriend part of me felt jealous..but I genuinely think it was just disgust. Best I can say is to picture someone who decides that everything male in the room needs to, in some way, be lounged on, teased, or attended to. She even tried seducing one of our engaged friends. It was fucking shameless, and I use fucking purely for emphasis.

The highlight of the morning had to be when Aaron let something slip. He either mentioned something about staying up late, having an orgy, I forget. In any case, I heard "But then [my name] would still be here." I looked up, asked what about [my name] as if asking to repeat that. He smiled for a few moments, then looked kindof embarassed. I think Kate mentioned something about my having something due today. Yeah, right, it's Saturday, bitch.

Meanwhile, Kate and Erin found this slip incredibly hilarious. They must have gone for a full minute..hell, I think two for Erin..nearly choking themselves with laughter.

At the time it didn't bother me much, but I did try to nudge in a little reminder every 30 seconds that they could really continue laughing at me, yes, please, do continue. And sure enough, they did.

Knowing I'm an outcast and occasionally being treated like one is normal. I don't expect friends here to give a damn, especially them. What bothers me is that it was so funny for other people. Being reminded that my choice, hell, who I am is a joke for some people genuinely hurts. I've sacrificed the friendship of all of these people I love because I believe in something.

Again, not trying to be overly angsty..but it really hurt to hear it in their laughter, with Kate barely able to squint at me.

Maybe I am a joke to most people, but that doesn't matter. I have faith in what to do and pursue it. I'm ok with my position and how things are.

It just really fucking hurts to be reminded.

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