I was so young I cannot remember things clearly. I couldn't have been more than five.

Naked, I sat in a palatial hall that looked like a red carpeted Las Vegas version of St. Peter's Cathedral. All of these eyes starring at me, calmly surveying my face, my features.

I was calm. I somehow knew these people. I spoke eloquently, gesturing and mentioning events and words that didn't make any sense. There was one who was sitting by me. I can't remember his face or his features. He was very old, but didn't appear that way to me. He would ask me a series of questions, wait, then nod his head as if to ask me to continue.

My mother searched frantically that night. She didn't know where I was. Firetrucks were everywhere, police cars lining the streets. People moved quickly. I don't understand. Why were there so many people? When did I get there?

Those eyes, all of them. I've never been in a room that was red. They reminded me of cardinals the way they transfixed and displayed everything in light crimson. I didn't know what a cardinal was. I didn't know where I was.

This memory comes back to me from time to time. I was being questioned...I can't remember the words. They were nice enough to me...I think they offered cookies...no, scones, maybe...but I just sat there for an hour, hours..speaking at length.

My next memory was running up to my mother on a street, that same street lined with firetrucks and police cars. She looked hysterical wondering where I had been. I told her that I had gotten lost, or that I was playing.

I've never seen the men again. Apparently I'm not a threat. That much I do remember. They were probing, like a trainer passing a steak into the darkened cage of some unknown animal. I didn't know what they wanted.

My life was different then. I think it's normal now. Yet, sometimes, I remember that room, the essence of the questions, and I feel at peace yet tense. Do I belong to these people somehow? Was I being tested for some reason? Did I fail?

There's so much of my life I can't remember..and then things like this come up.

I don't understand, even now I still don't understand.

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