Recent Entries Garion born; thinking of doing video logs - 2012-09-01 I'm married, I'm a prospective father, wow I never update - 2012-05-22 Got the job at the NIA; mother complicates wedding plans - 2011-10-13 Scrawl - 2011-08-05 It's never been better - 2011-06-02
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Something for nothing 2002-01-26 - 9:50 p.m. 
Tonight I feel paranoid and angry. Omega may be my friend, but I can't see her as just that. She's my supervisor, someone who can either make or break the recommendation I get from this lab. Every day I pay attention to her every word and gesture, correct her when she makes a blanket generalization even remotely concerning me, try to be as efficient and clever as she wants. I wonder if she purposefully tries to play up her position of authority. I think some part of me despises her for silently judging me every day, watching for weakness or stupidity.Dinner was two and a half hours late again. People usually socialize/watch TV around this time, then do something afterwards. As school comes close, though, I need to worry about career-related things. The minutes couldn't go by fast enough as I watched 'Speed,' wondering why in the hell I even bothered going there. Yeah it's cheap, but I pay for it in lost time. The whole thing takes 3 hours and all of it is TV related. It reminds me of what meal time might have been like in the past, an excuse for people to get together and talk. I like the overworked American approach my mom and I use: eat when you can as quickly as you can. Now it's 10 again. Where the hell does the day go? It seems like I just got out of the lab, but then things happened that I can't even remember. It's some blur that doesn't even mean anything. The DVD I rented didn't even work right, so I just returned it. I'm tired of all these obligations and duties, since they may mean nothing in the end but a pretty sentence on my resume somewhere...kindof like my summer job. This past summer I worked my ass off at a research lab in Bosstown. For what? Not much. I wish I'd made a better impression. Maybe my paranoia is justified. I don't like the way Omega tries to be friendly and then authoritative. It's another test, just like the ones my advising prof. puts me through. Little requests puked through smiling teeth, said with a laugh or even a pat on the back if they're feeling especially vicious. It's fetid, rank, just like them. Something for nothing...sometimes all a job is is something for nothing. What good is experience if it isn't officially endorsed by someone? We're like products, resources, needing this or that label to be savely used or consumed. In the end I'm a side of beef, a fucking side of beef. |
