Recent Entries Garion born; thinking of doing video logs - 2012-09-01 I'm married, I'm a prospective father, wow I never update - 2012-05-22 Got the job at the NIA; mother complicates wedding plans - 2011-10-13 Scrawl - 2011-08-05 It's never been better - 2011-06-02
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All these lines on my face gettin' clearer (I of II) 2002-03-27 - 5:00 p.m. 
I don't remember what we did Sunday, but I think it mostly involved laying around the house or just doing errand type work. Monday was more of the same except for attending one of Colleen's Calc II review sessions and trying to go see 'A Beautiful Mind.' I say try because her car unfortunately fell into a ditch. The 10 o'clock news was utterly fascinated by the spectacle, I think as some sort of veritas-driven morale boost to the snow-weary denizens of this rural suburbia. I can just imagine the butterball weatherperson smiling wide and throwing out some one-liner while practicing frisbee tosses with his arm. But I wasn't actually there: I stayed at her place and took care of business stuff. I wish I had gone with her to make things go easier, since she spent several hours in the back of a police car chewing the fat with bothersome acquintances.Things changed sometime around Sunday or Monday, something in the air or in one or both of us. At first I thought it was small misunderstandings, imperfections in hearing or understanding. All of these seem to compile and aggregate within one another. We say we're sorry and the situation seems resolved, but then something happened. The rest of this is my written account from last night, detailing it: "After she dropped me off I read and studied for 5 hours. She said she'd drop by at around 10 and we cold talk or whatever then. At 10:40 she came through the door calmly, carrying a bag of food stuff. She asked me if I was hungry. I could sorta eat so I said sure. As she started cutting up chicken she looked up at me with no expresion on her face. I've been here before with plenty of other friends. As she started speaking I knew what I was in for. She started off quietly, saying that I had been really distant for the past two days. I wouldn't notice her, approach her, just stay behind all of these walls she could see between us. I braced myself as the words continued, watching the knife evenly cut the chicken in rows. I was sinking into myself. I hadn't expected this. I felt like I had failed my best friend and every sentence, negative facial expression, all of it seemed to congeal and twist the inside of me. Sentence after sentence I heard the subtle pain or concern in her voice...how I had constantly driven her 'batty' the past two days, how I seemed not to be relaxing or enjoying myself, how I made her feel like withdrawing into a corner and staying there by herself more then she usually did. I tried explaining how the past two days had been hard for us both, trying to explain something, anything, just to make things seem better or less my fault. The corners of her mouth upturned, her face contorting into exasperation or contempt occasionally. The more I said the worse things became.
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