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The boy near Darven Row (Part 3 of 3)

2002-08-13 - 4:40 a.m.

The shopkeeper began to worry about Werd, but he was still very afraid of the boy. He sighed to himself often. He partly felt glad the boy had not come back. He enjoyed just selling chocolates to the children, helping people like Ms. Sasstle take them to the orphans to help make them smile. He did not want to hurt the boy, but he could not let the boy stay with him. The boy was strong, even though Werd thought of himself as weak. It just did not feel right to the man.

Another late afternoon came. The shopkeeper was sweeping around outside toward the back of the shop, making sure everything was clean and well cared for. He thought he heard a voice call for him, but shook his head and swept again. A delicate hand fell on his shoulder as he jumped up.

"Whoo!" He yelped, "Heh, you startled me, Sass!"

"Werd finally came back. I saw him just now in your shop," she smiled. There was sympathy in her voice, but a jealous look in her eyes.

"Oh," he casually said, "Well, I suppose I should get back inside, what with making sure he's doing alright and my getting your chocolates."

As they walked back around, Ms. Sasstle asked, "Are you doing alright, friend? I can stay around a bit longer today. They don't expect me back at the orphanage any time soon."

The shopkeeper nodded slightly, "I'm feeling ok, thanks for asking. Sure, stay awhile, come inside."

As the man and Ms. Sasstle went inside, Werd looked up and stared at her. Ms. Sasstle felt somewhat flustered and angry, standing away and to the side. Werd's eyes were bloodshot and foggy from crying.

"I'm sorry I ran out again, sir," he said very sadly, "I couldn't help it. I've been thinking about you all this week and I'm real sorry about everything." Werd looked down at his feet, as if his head were too heavy. "I'm so sorry. I won't ever, ever do it again, sir. I won't ever, I promise! I promise..."

"Werd," the man began calmly, "I care about you. You're strong and young, fit and good-natured-"

"I want you to love me!" He yelled. "Why can't you love me? Why can't you hold me like I want you to? Why do you have to push me away? I want to live with you! I just want you to love me," His breath dragged in his throat. "I always wanted someone like you to care about me, shelter me. Why can't you? Why not?"

The man sighed very heavily, unable to speak. Ms. Sasstle angrily looked on. She thought the boy was trying to hurt the shopkeeper and take advantage of his good nature.

"I know what we could do!" She said with mock wonder. The boy was confused for a moment as she knowingly winked at the shopkeeper. "We could all live here in the same room, in the same house as a family! All the time! Just you and me and him!" The edge in her voice was lost to the boy.

Werd shuffled his feet. "Ok...if I can stay with you, sir." The shopkeeper felt ill. His head felt very hot and his eyes watered.

"I need to lay down upstairs for awhile, to cool off," he said, "Sass...ah..."

Sass looked up into his eyes for a brief moment, nodding slightly. "I'll watch over him for a little while," she smiled genuinely, "It'll be alright." The edge from her voice was gone.

The shopkeeper rested down on his bed and closed his eyes, hearing raised voices come from down below. He didn't know why Sass had offered to look after Werd. Was she jealous of the boy? Did she want something from him for looking after Werd? He sighed heavily as he got up again, moving downstairs.

Werd was on the floor, bawling and crying as Sass wrapped an arm around his shoulder. The man nodded to her and took a seat next to the boy.

Werd looked up for a moment, calmly looking at the shopkeeper in the peaceful way he always did. The shopkeeper looked at him back, smiling slightly.

"Werd," he began, "I like you. You're a good young man. You have potential in you. I saw that the first day I met you in the street."

A large lump caught in the man's throat, giving him pause before speaking again. "But...I don't think I will ever feel about you the same way you feel about me. I can give you friendship, work, maybe even this shop someday...but I don't love you, Werd. I can't give you that. I'm sorry."

Werd shuddered slightly as Sass brought him into her a bit closer. The shopkeeper continued, licking his lips. "I wish I could give you want you want, dear boy. I will say, though, you can make it out on your own."

The boy burst out crying, "I can't. I can't-"

"Yes, you can," He firmly said as he put a hand on the boy's knee, "I know you can do it. I have faith in you, Werd. We're all alone sometimes and you have to rely on yourself. I was your age once, without a family or a home. I wanted to give up too, but I was strong. I ran errands and met a kindly chocolatier. Now I have his shop. You can be strong too."

"I'm too weak, though," Werd said softly, "I can't...I can't."

"Yes, you can," Sass said with a soothing voice. "I know you can do it. I have faith in you, Werd. I've been through many painful things and I'm still young. I've been alone most of my life. It was never easy, but there were people along the way to help." She smiled with genuine concern into his eyes. "Believe us, dear boy. You aren't always alone; just sometimes."

They all talked well into the night, everyone repeating the same words in different ways. Finally, Werd looked up at the shopkeeper.

"I don't want to say goodbye," He said.

The shopkeeper sighed. "Well...ah...then let's say that we will see each other later," he kindly offered.

"No, that's just goodbye. I still want to be friends..." The boy said. The man was still very afraid of the boy and did not want that, even though he had offered his friendship earlier. 'Why does that boy stare at me like that,' he thought to himself. In his heart, he felt there was only one thing more he could give Werd now. Standing up, the man reached into a candy jar and scooped out two large ever-lasting gobbstoppers.

The boy stared at the sweets and felt a sharp pain grasp his heart. It would not let go.

"I hate you," Werd said. "Both of you. I'm alone..."

"Werd," the man said softly in the boy's ear, "I'm giving you these to remind you of what we said. I know they won't make you happy, but...but...think of them as a gift from us. When you feel alone, just hold them and remember us and you won't be alone. It'll be alright."

The boy looked at the shopkeeper for a long time. Finally, he knelt down and undid the buckles and straps from his single shoe. Sliding his foot out, Werd took the shoe and handed it to the man.

The man sighed deeply. "No," he said in pain, "Please don't give this to me. I was hoping you wanted to buy another shoe."

"I don't care," was all the boy said. The simple words shot through the man.

The boy looked up into the man's eyes. For a long time they held one another's gaze. Finally, the boy looked down, saying in a firm tone "I don't regret having met you."

"I don't regret having met you either." He replied. He thumbed the shoe thoughtfully. "You taught me something."

Werd then burst into tears, saying that he wouldn't go, couldn't go, didn't want to leave the shopkeeper. Sass tried to comfort him, but the boy was numb and stricken with new grief. With an even stride, Werd slowly walked to the door, opened it and left. As the boy looked back into the shop through the glass, the man gazed into his grey eyes one last time. Then, like that, the boy ran away and was gone.

"Do you think he'll remember what we told him?" Sass whispered, her hand lightly patting his back.

"I...hope so," he said in a shaky tone, "I really hope so."

She smiled at him and gave him a big hug. "It'll be alright," she said.

The shoe still in his hand, he thought to himself as he remembered what she had done. He smiled slightly to himself, "Yes, it'll be alright."

======

Based on a true story.

I dedicate this piece to Jen and Drew, whose words and courage both inspired me to write it. May neither of you be alone too often.

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