(Disclaimer: Some of the opinions and views contain herein could be construed as offensive and inappropriate. I exploit politicians or situations merely for humor. If that's cool, great; if not, I very strongly suggest you skip this post. Thank you.)

The American economy never concerned me before. The Reagan years were kind and sheltered my egotistical apathy. It was the political equivalent of the Victorian era: scandalous impropriety covered up beyond the bounds of reason. Reaganomics gave Americans a 4 trillion dollar national debt, a backlash recession in the early 90's and, dare I say it, the notion that a corporation could have the same rights as little Johnny but not bother to wipe its accounting assets.

Fast forward to today. "Times are kind of tough," the White House poet laureate proclaims. With a bear (i.e. passive?) market sticking around to finish off the chips and take a nap right on the economy's front fender, I wonder why Greenspan and other Wall Street folk keep the smile and hand-jobs going. "Our economic fundamentals are strong and the recovery is continuing!" Well you aren't, fella; give me that thing back.

As of now it's looking like a "go-nowhere" economy, where consumer spending and industrial/service sector growth trickle along like the LA river in the summer. As of now I'm not only concerned, I'm panicked for the economy and what this means for luxury grants for jobs like...research (which, only in spirit, I'm in).

What bothers me is how the political leaders are approaching the economy. An economic forum was recently held near Bush's ranch, hosting meetings that allowed people to air out grievances about their bags of chips, the bear eating them and little Johnny's diaper-totting corporate twin.

Bush apparently wasn't present at any one meeting for a long period of time but promised to, at least, "read the summaries." Maybe he is still going to college in some ways.

Even at such a place of encouragement and reconciliation, though, Vice President Dick Cheney purposefully failed to live down his reputation as a ruthless, undead warlord. "I don't propose to make any remarks," he said matter-of-factly, "I came here to listen. The best policy this morning is to sit here and soak up your wisdom."

And yet, what does it look like he's doing?

My God, it's an old Jedi mind trick! You can almost see the telepathic strings contorting Bush's maw. Yet, I thought to myself: is Cheney truly controlling the President? Are his powers that vast? I had to delve into the picture more. After I used a few filters, I discovered a dark truth...

Cheney's tie emanated a dark, glowing power, the very same that spawned from Bush's mouth and nose. I knew not if it gave the corpse new life or controlled his mind (for which I'd be less impressed), but it was clear: Dick Cheney's tie was some perverted Voodoo talisman. Or, worse, the tie was the master and serviced some other darker power.

The economy in America scares me, but damnit Dick Cheney scares me even more.

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