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The shadow's touch 2002-08-16 - 11:32 p.m. 
When I was young I used to be deathly afraid of the dark. The shadows had substance to them and sometimes they called to me. Ice would form on my spine and radiate outward as I tried to sleep. I could feel something there, waiting and watching. Partly because of my mother's training me in the occult, it wasn't until my early teens that my perceptions of things changed. Rather than fear darkness, I became fascinated by it. As I've grown older, the hand of the shadows has become more soothing. When night comes it's as if a hood of wax is pulled away and under. The sounds in my head subside slowly and my eyes can finally relax. My body pulls tendrils of aches back into alignment, some dryad waking up to wander in the dewy moisture. The alighted nuances around me are wonderful and calm against dim, soft yellow reflections, the art of suggestion with its brushstrokes of concealment and illusion. I enjoy sunlight and what it brings out, but I more enjoy darkness and what it hides within. Perhaps as an extension of this fascination I enjoy hidden things, darker matters that are purposefully hidden. It's sometimes hard for me to understand why people shun hatred, death and betrayal among other feelings and situations. When exposed to something different you usually wish to form an explanation about it, find a pattern of some sort. Yet, people push away this negativity without trying to understand it. Better to bury it and let the ground disperse its poisons, which leaves it to rise up again or be unearthed by silly gravediggers like me. I do not embrace these circumstances out of pleasure, but to find that pattern, that explanation. All too many times I've seen people hurt and killed for not understanding this negativity well. These experiences whisper insight and warning to me when a situation calls for it. It is the easiest way to get inside someone, to best help when that person has lost control and no longer knows their self. Like a rampaging beast a person can be calmed if you know how to call to him/her. Mostly, though, I do it for my own benefit. Certain things deeply upset me and it's very difficult to remain calm and in control. By seeing how negative feelings and situations impact people, as well as how they deal with it, I can maintain that control. For some odd reason that's vital. |
