Recent Entries Garion born; thinking of doing video logs - 2012-09-01 I'm married, I'm a prospective father, wow I never update - 2012-05-22 Got the job at the NIA; mother complicates wedding plans - 2011-10-13 Scrawl - 2011-08-05 It's never been better - 2011-06-02
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Mondays and arachnids: scary shit 2003-07-07 - 1:37 p.m. 
It's monday. Back when I was in high school, I would automatically have wanted nothing less than the public execution of at least 3 people who were talking in class. I've been immunized to mondays since then. This early morning I'd been reading an exceptional journal out around 3am, chopping up one part prose with one part GRE studying since I've gotten used to studying for the latter around midnight. I'm thinking about adding to the effect by burning a red candle or throwing salt. I finally decided 6 hours of sleep would be enough and turned in. Well, I had planned to turn in. I've only mentioned it a few times, but my psyche has a repulsed obsession with spiders--giant spiders. I think about them almost every time I go to bed. Sometimes I'm sitting by a clutch of web-weaved eggs as big as I am, the cold wet earth hollowed through in thin tubes that whistle wind and scuffle footfalls. It stinks of death and mildew there. The eggs themselves move, being pawed at from inside by hazy black outlines and a soft chewing noise. Oddly I'm always free--never cocooned or webbed in place, just sitting there. Most often, though, I see a giant spiders standing over me, towering, making soft palpating noises with their mouths as their fangs silently drop. One wolf spider in particular (like this frightening example) is often right in front of me. Sometimes it acts violently, but more often than not it's still--watching, almost thoughtful, sometimes walking beside me as a companion. I could swear it speaks sometimes, but I don't know if that's just me thinking or if it's really the creature. I know it's trying to tell me something, whether that's just my subconscious or an animal guide of some kind. I can't express how terrified and yet fearfully fascinated I am by these creatures. Even after all these months of visions I'm still trying to cope with their presence. The idea that an animal associated with death, betrayal and 'evil' is a part of me is disturbing--and yet, there is a part of them that resonates inside me. They seem to represent part of the horror within--and I think exploring that is important for me. I don't have many other places to expand to spiritually. ---- I don't have much planned for today except watching Law and Order at 7pm on TNT and getting some studying in. I think I'll give the LA harbor another shot and park over at that wharf dive with free parking. I figure getting a few miles of walking is as good a deal as possibly getting some good industrial shots. ---- Photographs: Comment: I've been trying to get the right angle on this refinery for weeks. Ironically I got a good shot from a moving car. It sortof looks like a temple/mosque, I hope. |
