----

Jesus Christ in a pogo lounge.

Getting up for the occasion at 5:45am was about a 3.5 on a 10 point annoyance scale. Parking was 1.5. Getting there about a 2.0.

The actual meeting ranked up to 8.5 this time, however, winning the seasonal cup for Most Aggravating Waste of Time in a Single Meeting.

How do they put in that Waste of Time goodness into every minute morsel of a Single Meeting?

Well, as usual, Dr. Zivago hadn't brought his glasses. He couldn't read the Excel page with the experiment results that'd I'd just compiled--but I summarized it for him. Basically, we couldn't conclude anything between rats with Depress-U-Good drug and placebo.

So we tackle why this might be. He begins to talk about Parvo virus and how it didn't show up in the few animals we have left. This magical test happened sometime in the past, like Atlantis only more recently. He didn't tell me about doing the test, of course, but it runs counter to results we got 3 weeks ago. Without that Parvo virus, those rats can't get depressed--since their immune system hasn't been properly fucked.

My arguments: 1) It worked in Albinos; let's use those instead of hooded rats. 2) We bred several generations of rats that allegedly had Parvo virus, so don't give me a line about needing to infect pups. They were infected in the mothers had the virus.

You can kinda guess how much air-time my arguments got.

As for other agenda items:

*For Attila's project, I needed to learn some electrical engineering in order to wire a L555 timer chip and a M255 relay chip to a circuit board. Why a timer chip? So that when a rat licks a bottle, the circuits register it once instead of 60,000 times. Why a timer chip instead of one line of computer code that could do the same exact thing? Ask Professor Jim-Bob.

Why the needless rambling? I'll tell you: instead of testing out this first set of chips, Dr. Zivago wants me to wire two more sets of chips and THEN test to see if his circuit board design works. Even the shop tech (who's known Dr. Ziv for 15 years) rolled his eyes when I told him.

I spent most of monday on that.

*Dr. Zivago's famous line: "We really need to get {insert project name} up-and-running this week." From the font of the Heavens it comes, his word, bounding upon the backs of Valkyries and Seraphim come to bring Truth and Light.

One eensy tiny problem with his usual proclamation. See, as usual, there are a few problems getting our two most realistic projects off the groudn:

--For Midget's project, he wants to do practice manual pump infusions. Let me decode that: noone in our lab has stuck an ultra-small IV tube into a rat's brain and pumped drugs into it. I have no problem with practicing this infusion thing, but couldn't we have done this while we were practicing implanting the ultra-small IV tubes? Couldn't we 'borrow' a computer-controlled pump instead of trying to use technology that's about two decades old?

--For Attila's project, the circuit board I talked about needs to be up and working. Only problem is that I can't test it out with something called an oscilloscope. Why? It'd cost us money--and spending money is "BAD, NO, WRONG!" Rather, we can test out the circuit board on a computer. Of course, only Dr. Ziv knows how to do that--so I have to wait for him to show me. (Wonk-wonk-wonnnnnnnnk.)

*And finally, what would every other week at Discordia be like without yet ANOTHER flash-in-the-pan project? This fucking time it's an "EPP study". Just like you I wondered: what hair-brained scheme have you gotten us into now, Shaggy..er..Professor Jim-Bob?

Apparently--without consulting me again--Dr. Ziv and Hideyoshi talked last week and thought it'd be a swell idea to look at a by-product of Thyroid-Releasing Hormone. It'd be an even more swell idea to see if this by-product had anti-depressant effects.

Now, I don't care if the project has any merit. I don't care how much time was invested in studying this latest pipe-dream. What I care about is that we've got 6 other projects...and we have funding for none of them.

Ergo: the math doesn't work the fuck out.

In corporate lingo, we need to re-prioritize, down-size--and wake up.

----

Chuck: And that was your nifty 8:50(am) monday morning meeting hour! It's just trills and thrills at Discordia this week, eh Dick?

Dick: That's right, Chuck, just an amazing display of team-work and coordination that I've never seen--and I mean I've never seen it because it isn't there!

Chuck: [laughter] HIYO! Right you are, Dick!

Dick: Speaking of team-work, let's take a look at some Week in Bullshit highlights from just today.

Chuck: Our Wacky Wednesday Wankfest?

Dick: That it is, Chuck!

Chuck: Well then from the S.S. Announcer, it's Wankers Away!

----

This is typical, original edition Dr. Zivago.

I'd sent an e-mail to Dr. Ziv on tuesday, asking (and reminding) him to help me test out the circuit board on Wednesday. That way, we could make needed changes and get Attila's project underway if it worked. I'd also reminded him on monday.

My waking up today just plain sucked. About 6 hours and 15 minutes, I'll grant you, but I've felt alot better on alot less. I think I was stuck in a sortof half-dreamtime until 3/4's of the way through traffic.

So I finally get into the bowels of Mt. St. University at 11:00am, down into Discordia but past the mole people. Attila and Midget are in the corner office, talking about games and being a gamer in general. I look into the main lab rooms--and Dr. Zivago's office light isn't on, which guarantees that he's left for the day. I asked Midget if he really was gone and, apparently, he'd left much earlier. Not for an emergency, mind you--he just felt like it.

After casually spitting venom about how the man deserves a boot up his ass, I decided to grab some lunch and come back. Suffice to say, neither of the undergrads wanted to conversationally touch me with a 10 foot pole, even when just Midget and I were there--and I was kinda glad for that. Kat came around later and decided to play backgammon online on the main computer. I haphazardly edited a way too liberal and insulting e-letter that was being passed on at my political watering hole. I kinda consider myself a moderate-liberal and I just couldn't send the thing--even with heavy tweaking.

I digress. Dr. Zivago wasn't around to show me how to test the circuit board. Without a working circuit board, Attila can't order rats. If he can't order rats, his project doesn't get started.

It seems as if Professor Jim-Bob's proclamations of progress get shot in the foot by his actions.

Am I at all surprised? No. A little more angry at him than usual?

Getting more angry would imply cardiac problems, so kinda sorta.

Glad that I'm getting the fuck out of there soon? You bet your ass I am.

----

Chuck: And that's all the time we have now for this Week in Bullshit. Tune in next time for even MORE highlights and commentary from the S.S. Announcer. I'm Chuck Chuck.

Dick: And I'm Dick Dick wishing you and yours a happy Orange Alert day. Buh bye, now!

Chuck: Buh bye!

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