----

So, after the Spiderman 2 extravaganza followed by a lite geek group talking thingy, I came home and found a completely unexpected message.

T had left a note asking me to call her and that she missed me.

My first reaction was anger--lots of Tool and Gravity Kills anger. After all it'd been 6-7 weeks since I'd heard from her last and I'd thought that, perhaps, life was replaying an old song: get to know someone interesting, have it be mutual, and then random stuff happens and you don't hear from the person again for post-modern emotional baggage reasons. It hurt alot, since she'd sounded genuine.

Working through that initial reaction, though, I realized that I still needed to give her the benefit of the doubt. I had previously done that, after all, since I knew she had and was probably having trouble helping out herself and her family. I'd assumed that her phone got disconnected because cellular was too much.

I still wonder why she didn't call me collect via a pay phone, though. I need to ask after that.

Anyway, I moved from anger into being concerned about if she was ok, what had happened, etc. I know some of you will be upset or disappointed in me for not staying indignantly angry and/or holding a grudge. Considering that extraordinary circumstances have been involved, though, I think waiting to hear her explanation is best. I don't think it's foolish to be patient and reasonably open-minded with someone you care about. She has consistently tried and her message hasn't changed. Don't misinterpret that as rolling over or being a doormat, however. I've been brushed off or treated with disrespect enough to be cautious and, if need be, callous.

The problem with being open-minded, of course, is the societal expectation of men to be somewhat distant creatures who dominate the sphere of control. My natural reaction--in the face of having no information--is to be open-minded and listen to the facts; that's me as a person and as a scientist. At the same time, however, perceived weakness is a red flag and invites people to take advantage of you. If a man rolls over in situations like this, there can be a loss of respect--simply since there are those rigid societal expectations for me to be 'a man's man' or whatever.

Open-mindedness isn't the same as an overwillingness to forgive. I'll hear her out and go from there.

It feels like that's the right thing to do and I'm going to stick with that.

----

In terms of what's happened/happening today, I had a great breakfast with Mom over at the local IHOP, going for one of their citrusy hawaiian breakfast combo thingies. We then got coffee and ordered our usuals (as per the routine), then skipped down the 405-S to get adjusted at Dr. Ward's chiropractic center. He didn't have many clients at 2 so we mostly talked about his developing business. He's developed a new presentation program for chirpractic offices that's very innovative, has more options, and costs 1/3 less than the competition. He sounded very excited and he's got a great product. He asked after my graduate school stuff, and seemed to take some interest in my photography stuff. When I get my website up he wants a card--and his walls could use some of my nature photos.

Last but not least, I'm going over to the evil land of Westwood to go see Attila (see cast list) for a spot of sushi. I've missed the guy, and he sounded eager over the phone yesterday when we scheduled it. My wallet is kinda tight for sushi, but I know it'll be one of those commiseration deals about helping him over dealing with Dr. Zivago. Dr. Ziv hasn't been good to his staff from what I'm hearing. It pisses me right the fuck off, and enough people have left that reporting him wouldn't attract attention to me.

Anyway, after we eat sushi, he'll take me down to the lab and I can download and print up a megolithic ASSLOAD of articles to read. I gave the fucker 14 months of unpaid work and did his job for him. I deserve some toner and paper.

So, all in all, many things are happening on top of the other stuff happening!

These are exciting times and I will not fear. Screw that. Spent enough months with it. Now is the time for creative enterprise and living.

Now is the time.

previous - next