Recent Entries Garion born; thinking of doing video logs - 2012-09-01 I'm married, I'm a prospective father, wow I never update - 2012-05-22 Got the job at the NIA; mother complicates wedding plans - 2011-10-13 Scrawl - 2011-08-05 It's never been better - 2011-06-02
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.... 2001-07-25 - 1:41 a.m. 
Dear God...what is this place, why am I here...I just walked from my apartment back to work...it's nearly 3am...I don't know when ym flgiht leaves in the morning, so I walked back here after having had only one drink. I feel toxic, somehow...not angsty, the wolrd is out to get me toxic, but like I'm being held down by somehing...it's oddly oppressive....can't think straught, noone here, anywhere it seems. Solitary, but not alone...alone...odd concept...Wy can't I just sanp out o fit...I'm not that tired, not drunk, but this feeling, I don't know what it is, can't describe it...I'm held in a grip, being pulled down and along by some masterful engineering. I'm like a Saab or maybe some sporty German car. I wish there were someone I knew I could talk to right now, resolve what is reality and what isn't. The curious distinction of my having arrived here with little conscious recollection bothers me...the fact that I am not thinking while I right this bothers me as well. Leaving again...should be good, but thenwham, this....so strange... Update 02/2004 Wow, actually using my journal to remember sections of my life is bizarre. This was the last night I was ever in Boston. For some reason I couldn't sleep, was delusional, or some combo like that--and I had to visit my old work place at William James Hall over at Havard University. The streets were utterly deserted. I remember the walk was long, difficult, cold. I became better when I actually got there..but to this day I'm not sure what compelled me to return that last time. Nostalgia, maybe. |
