The location is incredible: the building is surrounded by manicured gardens with small, delicate pines and alot of really spiffy bushes of varieties I can only describe as 'bushy.' A few yards down were these series of boulder islands and rocky alcoves, water streaming down them from some unknown source into the pond below. If you've ever been by an upper-class gated community, the waterfall and flora are similar.

I was miserable.

Why? A silly reason: my entree was 18.00 without tax. To some of you, this may seem like nothing. To understand why going out to a place like this and paying this much money really, really bothered me, you need some background info. If you feel pity or guilt because of the following, please do not; I'm content with the circumstances of life.

I was raised poor for the most part. Growing up I remember my mother constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown, attempting to sort bills, get deferments, and put in 12 hour days to pay all of them (she did stained glass windows and was self-employed). I had to remind her to eat sometimes. I started to cook for her when I was 5. I remembered thinking that 'mommy has to eat, can't let her feel sad.' She's worse than I am when it comes to working. She'd forget about everything...except me; she was...is an awesome mother.

I rarely speak about my childhood to anyone, since most people have some variation on the same negative story we've all heard before. I don't feel mine was, even if I have few pleasant memories of it.

It wasn't negative; it just was. I wouldn't be the person I am if I hadn't felt the need to take care of her and stop myself from wanting cool looking new toys.

The point of this anecdote ties into my feelings of extreme discomfort...since I think being raised the way I was has led me to become a frugal person. I am usually practical in terms of what I eat, dress in, do, etc. Luxury is nice, but it's...foreign. I don't understand it. It feels...wrong. Very wrong.

I keep close track of my finances and have a hard time not being critical of others who spend more than I think they should (judgemental in this regard, yes. I am being honest with you). 18 bucks for one entree, to me, is far too much.

I often feel inadequate in such situations because, to me, you could spend a quarter of that and still fill your stomach with some decent fare. If it's a special occasion, that's one thing...but if it's just day to day, you go just with what works.

If you have the money, I guess it's ok...but I know my family doesn't. That is what bothers me... Other than that, life is quite pleasant and I'm really enjoying myself. I never thought relaxation could be so...relaxing...

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