Recent Entries Garion born; thinking of doing video logs - 2012-09-01 I'm married, I'm a prospective father, wow I never update - 2012-05-22 Got the job at the NIA; mother complicates wedding plans - 2011-10-13 Scrawl - 2011-08-05 It's never been better - 2011-06-02
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'Confession' diary 2001-08-08 - 3:30 a.m. 
I recently read through all of the entries made in the diary 'Confession.' It reads almost like a movie script: an accident, life torn asunder, a series of further accidents that compound the guilt, running way, trying to start anew...and finally death. Fiction or no, I've realized something because of it.I honestly feel ashamed and guilty for the times I have complained in this journal. The problems of my life are utterly trivial; cosmetic. I have it better than anyone I know: a loving family, close friends that think of me as family and vice-versa, money in the bank...accomplishments, accolades. I did research at Zarathustra U. for God's sake. My profile can't say it any better: I'm utterly blind sometimes. What right do I have to say I'm miserable over a fucking meal that someone else bought? I read through some of my old posts and it just comes off as wordy drivel. It's beautiful to read for me, but does ANY of it have substance besides the aesthetic for anyone? Yes I was almost homeless because of office screw-ups and was financially destitute for two months, yes I am still recovering my self-esteem from a horrible break-up...but... Who am I kidding. I'm a pretensious intellectual snob who gets off by sarcastically commenting on his life to please others so he can get more attention. Someone adds me to their favorites or comments on my writing, I'm on cloud-nine for hours. I need to create as much as I break things down...achieve some semblance of balance, not go from one extreme to another. I make myself sick sometimes. |
