On occasion I'm caught inside a recurring loop of social apathy, left wondering why in the hell do we even bother. Lacking in fatalism, it's more of a "can something please blow up now to jump start my 'I give a shit' function?" I think some people call it boredom.

Example, food: sure, it's alot less efficient to always hunt and gather, perhaps even to plant and reap, but it takes up time and gives you something to do/brag about. This free time we have is inevitably filled with socializing, learning, or other secondary functions to life. Sure there's porn, movies, etc. but when you've peirced even that veil, what the hell is there? Pure hedonism? God? A hedonist God that likes porn? I think we lack the "I just killed something and nearly died, wow cool rush of endorphines" effect.

I can only tip cows just so often.

Maybe banging my head on this table will do something...ow...ow...wait, one more time...ow; hmm, interesting, but ineffective.

Fuck I'm an intellectual snob. Ah well.

And anyone who works for a living right now will scoff and say I'm an angsty, worthless college student. Well, let's see you try to consistently push yourself to read texts for 3/4 of a day, seven days a week, extending to 3am. You get a little tired sometimes and really bitchy sometimes...just like I am now.

Maybe there's a Barry White skull-kegger happening in Cleveland, complete with chilled monkey brains. I could use a drink right now, come to think of it.

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