Pinknoise is coming down this friday to pick me up for Christmas break. We're going to stay at his place in Jersey until the 2nd or 3rd of January, where I'll come back here and freeze my ass off while doing rat research and taking up napping as a hobby.

What we'll do in Jersey is anyone's guess. There's the famous Princeton CD exchange place, the headquarters of many multi-national corporations, clubs and whatnot, New York if we get really bored, Philadelphia to finally see the museums and art galleries...plenty of things.

Reminds me of a story, Philadelphia. It was late december, cold. I was 16...maybe 17 at the time. A woman I had gotten to know well for about a year or so suggested I fly out to see her in Jersey. She implicated that my flying out there would lead to marathon sessions of incredible sex. Hormones being what they are and my being a virgin at the time, we agreed to split the fare.

I knew the night before this wasn't a good idea. Her normally sweet demeanor turned nasty on me when I started asking her about practical things, like what we'd be doing, how we'd eat, what time my flight left, etc. She wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed by any stretch of the imagination, I discovered (explanation later).

As I stepped off the plane, I had the gut-churning desire to throw myself against the walls of the corridor leading to the gate terminals. What the hell had I done? Flown over 1,000 miles to screw a woman in her 30's? Wait, calm down, relax. Her picture looked decent, this will be ok. It will be fun..as if it was a commandment..it will be fun.

The moment I saw her I wanted to crawl into myself and die. She was not in the least bit attractive..oh she had tried to be, what with make-up, high heels, and some tight combination which escapes memory..but it was awkward, last second, shoddy. She breathed whore and desperate in one choking, garlic-ladden gasp of sight.

She saddled up close to me and asked me how I was. I smiled weakly and said I was well. She then smiled wider and started to comment on how incredibly gorgeous I was. I went from crawling into myself to wanting to just digest myself promptly and get it over with.

We rode around Philadelphia to get to some famous pizza joint. Now Philadelphia is a city known for three things: business, museums and monuments, and one-way streets. I can't count the number of times she turned into the wrong way on back-alleys and major streets. You've never lived until you've starred into the headlights of a huge truck barreling toward you at 70 mph, horns blarring, while you scream and brace for the G's as you rocket into reverse.

Nerves frayed, we sat down to eat. We had nothing to talk about. I really didn't want to say anything, but made small-talk. Our personalities weren't compatible. I'd say something and she'd always ask "what?" or "hmm?" every time.

A week later, I shelled out a hefty sum to change my ticket for the next day. I couldn't take it anymore. Why? Not only was I not attracted to this woman, but she constantly kept trying to jump my bones. On top of that, she had failed to mention to me that she didn't really have any money, barely anything to eat, and her phone was disconnected.

I felt nothing but contempt as I convinced her phone company to reconnect her phone. I collected the paperwork, made a few calls..anything an intelligent human could do. She kept talking about high school and the wild times she had then. I couldn't understand: here was a woman in her early 30's talking about the distant past. A lover of her's had recently died, a local hero of some sort, and she hadn't gotten over him. We almost went to lay flowers on his grave, but she decided against it.

My love life mostly consists of me being a whore, you see. There is always someone else they failed to mention or that they were just about to break up with. Like the "other woman" I am "the other man." Like a whore, I get fucked.

She decided not to help me pay for the other half of my ticket or my itinerary change. She screamed at me in the car that I was a disgrace for asking her. She betrayed me because I decided I didn't want to fuck her, plain and simple. She'd pout, sigh, writhe..all the meanwhile not realizing that I just wasn't comfortable with losing my virginity to her. She turned out to be a completely different person.

I flew away from Jersey disgusted with her and myself. I had wasted money and vacation on a juvenile fantasy. That was the last I heard or saw from her. She never even bothered to mail the pair of shoes and pants I left there accidentally.

Maybe Philadelphia will be better this time around.

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