All of this comes to mind after speaking with my advising prof. today. We tried figuring out what we should study this semester and I was left puzzled. We're waiting on the results from the maze study we were doing over winter. It's a toss-up, really: we need to see the analysis before saying anything.

Since we can't study anything related to that, we have one other semi-related study lined up...but then it's anyone's guess what we're doing. I suggested doing tissue staining, to see how widespread an effect the drug has on the area where its supposed to inhibit stuff. He thinks it's a good idea but doesn't know how to go about doing it.

I'll tell you right now: I don't know anything about drug effects or pharmacology. I've had some basic experience, but this is hardcore graduate student type stuff. I don't know anyone who can help, even the prof. So it's a stab in the dark, hoping I catch something on the end and tackle it. Research is like gutting a giant smelly fish that way.

Everything seems to be fine so far as my social life is concerned. Matt and I studied last night and decided to make a habit of it. Sometimes I think he looks up to me. Hell if I know why, though.

I saw Colleen online last night and talked with her for awhile as well. She has this wonderful gift for making me feel happy. I'm still debating how I feel about her. She ended up leaving abruptly, but she does that. I'll write more about her later.

Oh, I should mention something before I forget. A few weeks ago an old friend of mine, Della, began to act strangely. She'd leave anonymous messages in my guestbook saying I was distant. She didn't email me, though, as if she were scared. Eventually she said she had found a 'new me' and didn't care anymore.

It vaguely hurt that someone I once considered a sister had thought of me only as an object. I don't know what being a woman is like, but I think I can better identify with that 'used' feeling some of them have described to me. It's like I wasn't even a person, just a symbol, like a title. I didn't think about it, but maybe my being a 'brother' was just a convenient way to categorize what she expected.

Introspective stuff aside, I feel really good today. I think I'll study outside under a big tree where there isn't snow. Take care, everyone.

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