Things were hard/partly miserable/difficult for us both over those 2-3 days, but yesterday gave me immense joy and hope.

As per usual I forgot to eat breakfast and munched on a pound of fudge we'd gotten yesterday. The day was overcast but somehow I felt better than before. Caitlin and I had alot of fun talking to each other about Disney movies, pooka, all sorts of stuff. Kids amaze and delight me. The whole trip made me re-question if I ever wanted to have one with someone. The idea of family used to horrify and disgust me...now it seems pleasant.

We dropped off film from the trip (I'll scan and bore all of you soon, don't worry), stopped off at Main Street in St. Charles to get ice cream and Caitlin's picture taken, then it was off to this place called the City Museum.

St. Louis looks a hell of alot like Chicago. I swear I was in Chicago, actually, since the same architect seemed to design the three story shopping centres and ampitheatre complexes. I noticed all of this as we walked along for about 9 blocks into the heart of the city. Skyscrapers, weird geometric objects, all while Colleen handled Belle and Caitlin reminded us of traffic. I've mentioned it before, but Colleen is an amazing mom. She reminds me of how my mom used to treat me when I was a munchkin. She's always incredibly loving to her pooka. It made Caitlin and I smile.

It's hard to describe the City Museum. I'd link something but the main page is a tad sparse. Imagine on a few levels you have weird abstract exhibits, but surrounding these and on lower floors there's this huge convoluted complex of caves, piping, a huge plastic whale, a gigantic indoor aquarium, climbing nets, those McDonaldesque colored plastic crawl tube thingies, slides, and all sorts of crevices and spaces combined into a square mile or two of climbing, crawling and sliding fun.

Things had been going really well and Colleen decided that she and I should split up to entertain, respectively, pooka and Caitlin. To really appreciate the feat of keeping up with a 9 year old, you have to realize that I was wearing a long-sleeve heavy cotton shirt, a black trenchcoat and a fedora while chasing around with her. I prayed for a coat check, but it was not forthcoming.

Hehe, Caitlin ran me absolutely ragged! Through one tunnel on hands and knees, tumbling down a slide here, jumping off one rock face and onto another, squeezing through spaces I didn't think I could get through. All the while she'd look at me, smiling as bright and happily as can be. The parents around me chuckled hard when I kept mentioning how I was getting too old for this, how I'd need to schedule my chiropractor again, etc. Sometimes I'd just opt out and lay there, panting in exhaustion while she waved at or stuck her tongue out at me. I was a sight, sweaty hair dishelved against my brow, enough so that I kept getting those amused looks from parents (and rather more interested looks from some of the younger single moms...).

I ended up badly injuring my left foot somehow. As I hobbled along with Colleen and the others, though, I felt really good, tired but complete. I occasionally looked back to her and Belle on the tram, just admiring them.

Eventually we stopped by her car and I got my things. Caitlin was attempting to ram me like a bull with a laughing fit. It was incredibly cute. After securing pooka Colleen came around and we hugged each other for a little while. The contact felt so immensely warm, reassuring. As she was about to get in I asked if I hadn't disappointed her too much. She just smiled at me. I was surprised, asking again, "...at all?" She nodded and smiled wider. She then blew me a kiss, which I returned, and they were off.

Walking to the tram to get to the airport I felt really happy. Past all the chaos I had enjoyed myself, even relaxed at some points despite myself and trying to concentrate so much. A tune about Arachadonic acid played in my head to the chalky voice of some elderly black man in a Bluegrass band, that sortof weird accomplishment music you'd expect at the end of "O' Brother Where Art Thou?" Things felt clear as I looked out over Missouri and into the windows of Lambert airport.

It's been a good spring break. I love you, Colleen...and thank you.

Update to self (4/24/02). You really were too apologetic, but I know you wanted to keep her friendship and that she was/is (as of this date) important to you. But you have to realize it went both ways. It's like the time with Dean, right? Wonderful friends when getting together seldomly, but not the type of match that'd work for close quarters. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, hmm? But at least it didn't end in disaster. I'd say that says something about you and her.

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