I thought of a ludicrous but amusing idea for a type of energy with the insubstantial/substantial components of light, yet the mechano-reactive properties of matter...and since humans are literally organic electro-magnetic generators and batteries, why couldn't it be possible to somehow convert pre-existing energy into this weird new form? Could something absorb non-visual forms of light...say ultraviolet or gamma rays...and just convert the bastard, whole-sale, to this other form and surf the loopholes of the natural laws? Well, that's for a short story...and I'm afraid that may have been confusing. I'll move on.

I've been around the idea of magic...or magick, majick, whatever your fancy...for a long time. My mother introduced me when I was 12, told me about the possibility of other substantive dimensions and how one could reach them. From there I studied and sorted things out for a number of years...through a series of students and people who were almost mentors but not quite, brushing past (but thankfully not into) cults, cabals, and witch cliches of sorts...and dabbling in the occult all so I could figure myself out, try to put a mark on if I had any 'gifts' and how to use them.

To be truthful I helped alot of other people find...stuff...but in all it never drew me in, never took hold of me. I have the resources and I had the connections, but every time I'd try to study the Zohar, or Sufism, or some obscure part of Graeco-Egyptian mixed pantheonic goodness...I got bored. Dreadfully bored, very quickly. Here's all this advice about integration, systems of the universe, the body and mind, society, reaching out to the divine...and hell if I could care much. Maybe I already had/have what I need.

But then you have to wonder...is there something more? Can I investigate it? I'm studying to be a modern day priest, a scientist, someone who can divine and explain what's going on, why, and how to fix it/make it better...but even then this isn't enough. Science is a tool...a respectable but slow tool...and I have to believe there's something non-conventional out there. That's why I study higher order human brain stuff, figuring how subjective things interact with objective things.

There is a friend of mine, a secretive man who is deeply wounded but gathers strength from the pain, trying to find something in ancient books and meditation. He's like a flicker of candlelight against a ghost, someone reminding me of all those others. I don't know what ideas he holds or if he'll ever teach me, but part of me wants to ask...to investigate again, to see if maybe what I feel is lacking might be in something that's made me easily fall asleep for a decade now.

No, for me science just isn't enough to hold my imagination...but hell if I know what else makes up the fence.

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