The 4th of July gets me thinking about America...well actually its just the television programming on the 4th that does. I'll ditch the liberal intellectual bullshit for once since I indulge enough in that.

When I think of America, I like to imagine a scene from Apocalypse Now that should have been added. Right after the helicopters napalming the hell out of small Vietnam fishing village scene, we get a shot of the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket standing in an upraised hut.

There he'd be, naked, wearing nothing but a large texan hat. In the background would be some old bluegrass number on the radio, very honky tonk slightly post-confederate. He would have the air of a refined degenerate Kentucky slave owner. On the table next to him would be a large shotglass of Jim Bean, in his hand a fine cigar. Puffing at it on occasion and taking large sips of whiskey, he'd ramble about the American dream, Democracy and giving it to the damned Gookers like they want it.

Right then we cut to his eyes which are looking outside, all of the sudden mirroring a fantastic explosion of fire exploding in trees as people scream in the distance. He passionately continues pursuing this Freudian war/sex combo. Right after he says "God damn I love the smell of napalm in the morning," the camera cuts to a back shot, masquerading as a gratuitous extended nudity shot. The man puts the cigar in his mouth, puffs strongly a few times and comments on the beauty of war. Keeping to the camera angle he begins to beat his wank, interjecting some euphemism about the enemy every other sentence while puffing on his cigar. Reaching a crescendo of mindless sexual threats to the enemy, we cut to a shot from outside where we can still hear and see the man, beating himself off mercilessly as the napalming helicopters fly right over the hut.

Last shot would be Martin Sheen looking down, furrowing his brow for a moment before nodding to himself and saying he has hope for the war. When one guy asks, he mentions the brass yanking it and laughs. Sortof boy pissing in the wind effect (which story IS that?) combined with the known dejection and humilliation of Vietnam and beastialization of war.

Much better than some guy with a texan hat casually walking amidst bomb blasts and mentioning how nice napalm is. Aye, America, a badass with a few clues and alot of guns. It's a good place, in all seriousness.

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