And she's on the roof again in the kitchen, howling at an unforseen horror, scaling up the octaves like Mt. Rushmore enthusiasts. The cabinets slam, the counter-tops bang, and meanwhile her screaming begins to grate; it warbles with that raw emotion only the throat can make manifest.

I was reading in my chair at the time (about an hour ago). After five minutes and Scott beginning (and then abruptly ending) a talk with Ma, I left for the park down the hill--where Light of the Earth was taken. I didn't want to feel the vibes or hear her bitch about shit, shit that I'd just suck up and deal with. I read through a few sample essays for my personal statement, but the ass-biting cold won out over my resolve after 40 minutes. Some old chick crossed the park with a shopping cart to go the Ralphs market nearby. I guess the locals stormed it some years ago after sacrificing their cars to Oprah or something.

My friday nights tend to be quiet.

----

Sundays, though, ironically fare a little better. Take this past one, for instance:

Selene was supposed to have contacted me and The Captain 'friday or saturday'. I've known her for going on 8 years--so I interpreted this code as 'maybe sometime sunday at the last possible second smooshed in front of previous obligations'.

11:30am rolled around. The Captain called. Selene wanted to have lunch at noon. Surprise was the last emotion I felt, but I think highly annoyed scored the first or second spot.

The 405 was my bitch that day. I'd gone from Palos Verdes to Woodland Hills in an hour, averaging 75mph. It was about 12:30 when we arrived: a little behind schedule, I was casually informed, but we'd be good; nice to know that my leaving at the drop of a hat paid off.

Selene's neighborhood looked much the same. Her dog sounded much the same. It got me all reminiscent and nostalgic, about the days where I had a full head of hair--long hair, in fact--and physical social contact out the wazoo.

She answered the door. She'd lost weight. She looked great in a young school marm fashion, with a very non-school marm shade of red against her lips. What I thought might be an emotionally awkward moment for me just passed. I was attracted to her, like usual, but not pining for the fjords, just simple platonic love.

First off was a sushi lunch for The Captain and Selene, at a place back down in Woodland Hills. While they dined on raw fish in the porn capital of the world, though, I'd decided to have iced tea for lunch--and unexpectedly a complimentary bowl of miso soup. I mentioned my decision to them since I had all of 7 bucks on me. They casually teased me, mentioning me in the 3rd person and how I'd probably need to take care of the left-overs. Selene gave me a warm side hug.

I genuinely was committed to not eating a thing. I smiled and joked with them, even up to the point where they divided the first roll 2-2-1. I refused but tried being humorous about it all. I was touched, amused and discomforted by the teasing. Selene was the first to ask if I was genuinely bothered and if they should stop. 'I mean, is it because you're like on a diet or you just can't pay? Because I'm on a diet too and I'm totally cool with that...etc.' I surprised myself. I said their teasing did bother me. It was a matter of pride: If I couldn't pay, I wouldn't eat, regardless. They accepted that and didn't make light of it or look uncomfortable during their meal.

After the sushi jaunt we went back to her place and talked with her mom in the den.

As a major aside, her mom's relationship to me had really changed over the years. The very night I met Selene back in '95 or '96 was the same when I met Kay. I'd always been the hugging and sometimes holding type--and considering there were three teenage females in the entourage, well, I can imagine what she thought of me initially. Later on I dated one of Selene's friends, younger friends, which at the time threw me into a cauldron of infamy. After all, what would a 15 year old boy want with a younger girl besides fucking her? I tried arguing otherwise with Kay, but she took major offense. For some years after that I couldn't do much with Selene since Kay, well, thought I was devil spawn to put it lightly and politely. Over the years, though, I guess she just changed her mind about me.

The change was obvious now standing in the living room. She smiled at us in that glowing with wisdom way and sat down in a favored chair. She asked The Captain about finishing his masters, his plans, etc. She turned to me, then, and asked me the same life questions. It was nice being able to mention what I'd done and getting a new perspective on it. Something about what I said made her delve into theorizing about psychology. She had alot of ideas about why we worked in certain ways, some of which sounded interesting. I could tell from Selene's occasional deep sigh that she'd sat through this alot.

Ironically enough, the only thing that bothered me was body positioning. Selene had gotten up, then sat back down close to me. Her right arm and leg rested against mine. It wasn't titillating, it just felt warm, lovely you could say (if you genuinely meant it). What can I say: I always wanted to be closer to her, like The Captain or others she and I mutually knew. For the reasons above and my own sense of propriety, though, I didn't want Kay to get upset or think anything negative. I tried in my most subtly awkward way to shift to the right a bit. Eventually Selene situated herself about equal between me and The Captain. I guess teenage fears of parents don't change much over the years. At the end of the chat Kay wished us well, said she loved us all and hugged us for good measure. I'm not sure why she'd feel that way about me, but I accepted it with a smile nonetheless.

Our next errand was getting Selene's stuff from her sibling's place. The roommates there were like grafts of college students and cavemen. One of them asked in earnest if her dog's worms had 'come out of the butt yet'. But then it's just mine to snicker loudly in empty apartment corridors, not to judge.

We wrapped the day back at Kay's, waiting up in a cozy second story room we all remembered well. It felt like old times, a lost joy, like I'd found a glow-bug in the night that stayed in my hands. Among other things, Selene (as sortof a run-on tease) mentioned that The Captain could move out to her place. He took it in good humor, not really saying yes or no to it, just smiling. They're like big brother and little sister that way: pushing at each other or stepping on the other's heels purposefully, being silly, stuff like that. I was never sure how I fit into the equation, given the occasional sexual tension between her and I. Still, at that time, we were all just a set of old friends talking quietly.

The Captain drove me back to his place, where my grey beast was patiently waiting. He wanted me to stay and watch some bits from the Extended Two Towers set. I told him I had to leave, get home and wake up at 6am for the weekly lab meeting. He asked if I couldn't stay just a little longer. I insisted that I really couldn't, hugged him and wished him well. The drive back was pleasant enough, with the evening rolling out to just the mark of 10.

Overall I enjoyed the day, despite the occasional insecure thought or feeling I had. The only thing that'd gotten to me was a comment Selene made while joking with The Captain. He'd mentioned that he and she might start despising one another if he moved in with her. She countered playfully by saying that they'd spent 10 hours a day together for 3 months, sometime years back, and that they hadn't been at a loss for conversation--so why would they be if he moved in?

That may seem pathetic or pitiable to you, but actually I'm trying to be honest with myself and you. All I can say is that I've genuinely wanted to be closer to her and her life, since over the years we've mostly talked only about our profession.

She's flying in for Christmas vacation, too, which'll be great fun for the lot of us three.

----

Lab stuff has been lab stuff.

Thanksgiving consisted of getting lost for an hour while trying to find a fast food place that was open. I'd driven past my usual Del Taco at the beginning, but the look the window girl gave me made me feel extremely paranoid. I was determined not to go back there and find a different Del Taco. Eventually, though, I returned while mumbling to myself about staying calm. I just got my food without any comment about her seeing me or someone like me earlier. I think it was just being really hungry. I seem to only get really paranoid and angry when I can't immediately eat. Well, that and when someone blocks me from doing something work-related.

----

Mercurial

Comment: I can imagine a blown up version framed up in a restaurant somewhere. It just strikes me as one of those types of photographs. I went a little gung-ho on the saturation, but so far people like it.

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